


To Light, To Life

by tearsandschmaltz



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Bisexual Sokka, Camping, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Past Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Toph Beifong and Zuko are Siblings, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, friends coming out to friends, gay Zuko, lesbian Toph, toph and zuko are Friends, toph/OC is very minor so PLEASE don't let that turn you off!, very slightly canon divergent with the comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24733972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearsandschmaltz/pseuds/tearsandschmaltz
Summary: What started as a make-up "life-changing field trip" turned into a tradition for Toph and Zuko. This time around, though, it's Zuko's life that changes when Toph comes out to him--and insists he take a look at himself and what he really wants.Because Toph is always right. She can tell when he lies. He just hopes she's right about seeing Sokka again.
Relationships: Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Zuko, Toph Beifong/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 56
Kudos: 547





	1. The Camping Trip

**Author's Note:**

> This fic originally started as something small and became much bigger than I ever expected it to. I wanted to write a fun and silly story about Zuko and Toph being gay and enjoying life, but it became about a lot more when I realized how much Trauma (TM) is unaddressed. And I just love their friendship so much.
> 
> If you're here for the Zukka content, it is in chapter 2! Please be patient, because I promise it is worth the wait. :)
> 
> Feel free to yell at me in the comments about A:tLA cuz I am ALWAYS ready to discuss!!

The first camping trip with Toph had started as a way for Zuko to make up for the fact that Toph had never gotten her “life-changing field trip” with him. But it quickly went from a one-time event to a planned vacation every six months or so. Toph, he found, was more like him than he’d initially thought, and the trips were a chance to get away from both of their responsibilities into the beautiful countryside. He was never really sure why Toph wanted to go somewhere with gorgeous vistas since she’d never been able to see them, but he didn’t protest.

In many ways, Toph was also his exact opposite—she was loud, in that she never held her tongue, manners couldn’t have mattered less to her, and she forged her own path in life (often literally); he was loud because he couldn’t control his volume (or temper) well, quiet and (usually) respectful because it was a way of life in the Fire Nation that had been literally beaten into him. But they both enjoyed silence, and being silent together, since neither really felt the need to chatter like Sokka or Aang. They had both grown up in rigid societies with negligent parents. And though Zuko’s scar hadn’t left him completely deaf and blind, he felt he could understand Toph’s blindness better than their other friends.

His advisors were often reluctant to let Zuko go out into the wilderness with only Toph as protection, but Zuko insisted he trusted her with his life, and it surprised him that he meant it as much as he did. He was also surprised he shared so much about himself with Toph, but considering how much Toph tended to overshare with him, it was perhaps less shocking.

He wasn’t expecting anything eventful to happen on their camping trip about a year and half into his reign as Fire Lord, as nothing was out of the ordinary when he and Toph set out for a remote, mountainous island in the Fire Nation. But by the second night into their trip, it became clear that Toph had something on her mind.

They were eating squid and rice, and she was drinking some of the sweet wine Zuko had brought with him, because he knew it was her favorite. They had some tart pie saved for dessert.

“You’re unusually quiet,” Zuko remarked. “Am I boring you already?”

“You know, I never gave you a nickname, did I?” Toph responded, slurping the squid up into her mouth.

A light breeze blew some strands of his hair into his eyes, and he tried to tuck them back into his ponytail. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Relax, Zuko, your hair looks fine.” Toph belched and laid back onto the log she’d been sitting on. It was still unnerving how she knew every detail of what he was doing, even though she couldn’t see him.

“You think so?” Zuko said, then thought better of it. “Wait, how would you know?”

“I don’t!” Toph waved her hand in front of her eyes. “Anyway, back to the nickname business. Why didn’t I give you one?”

Zuko scoffed and grabbed the wine, just past Toph’s feet. “You spared me from that particular indignity.”

“That’s my mission for this trip,” Toph said, shifting her foot ever so slightly so the wine would roll back over to her side. “I’ll get you yet, Zuko.”

“You keep changing the subject.” Zuko pulled out the pie from his pack. “Perhaps some pie will keep your mind on task.”

“You’re starting to sound more and more like your uncle,” Toph said, sliding her empty bowl across the forest floor for Zuko to serve her. When she received her plate of pie, she took another drink of wine and turned herself so she’d be facing Zuko more directly. “Can we start with you?”

An unexpected request. Toph never asked permission to share whatever was on her mind, nor did she ever ask Zuko if he wanted to share anything with her. Well, a lot had been happening in his world, so if she was feeling shy, he could find something to say.

“What do you want to know? Haven’t you heard about everything that’s been going on from the papers?”

She sighed. “Yeah, I heard it from the papers alright. It sounded like _whshshwhs_ ,” Toph replied, mimicking a paper blowing in the wind.

“Alright, sorry, I…walked into that one.” He took a bite of the pie, savoring its tangy flavor from the ocean kumquat. “Some court drama, but nothing unexpected. I’ve been to visit my uncle in his tea shop recently, and they’ve served their three-thousandth customer.”

Toph flicked her fingers and the sweet wine came flying at him. “Is this what reading a book feels like?” she wondered. “Because it’s boring. Have some more wine, you usually get a little more fun eventually.”

Zuko flushed. “I’m sorry, I just—I don’t know what to talk about when there’s so much that’s happened. What do you want to know?”

Toph had taken her meteorite bracelet off and was absent-mindedly bending it into different shapes. “How’s Mai? Is she enjoying brooding around the palace with you?”

Zuko cleared his throat. Maybe he _should_ have some more wine. “We’re, ah, not together anymore.”

“That’s too bad,” Toph said, sitting up a little straighter. She stopped playing with her bracelet and put her hand on the ground. “What happened?”

This was a topic Zuko had hoped to avoid talking about with any of his friends, mainly because he didn’t want to share his full reasoning for breaking up with his long-time girlfriend. It was embarrassing, and he wasn’t sure they’d understand, even if they meant well.

“We just…grew apart.” He hoped his tone was casual enough that Toph would drop it. “We both realized we wanted…different things.”

Toph frowned. “Uh huh.”

“And that’s all there is to it,” Zuko said with a cough. “How about you? Have you found a man worthy of the affection of the greatest earthbender in the world?”

Toph snorted into a bite of her pie. “No, never. Ever.”

Something in Toph’s tone intrigued him, suggesting that maybe this was what she’d been wanting to talk about all night. He pressed further. “So no one has ever caught your eye?” he grimaced, glad Toph couldn’t see his annoyed blush. “I mean, not literally, but you know…?”

“Yes, someone has.” The bracelet was off again, this time being molded into a tiny sphere Toph kept pinching and pulling at.

“Well, who is he?” Zuko tossed her the wine, and some spilled onto her dress. She didn’t seem to mind. “You’re the only one who’s never brought anyone back home to us, so to speak. Should I get excited?”

Toph didn’t respond right away, and he studied his tiny friend, illuminated by their fire. She had grown, not much taller, but a little lengthier and leaner, no longer the scruffy twelve-year-old girl she’d been when they first met. Something swirled in her grey eyes, and her pupils randomly darted back and forth, something he’d noticed would happen whenever Toph got nervous, or as close to “nervous” as Toph had ever been.

Toph leaned back again, a little stiffer, her hand slightly digging into the mud. “She’s a waitress at my favorite tea shop in Yu Dao. Caihong.”

Zuko nodded, his skin prickling the moment he heard Toph say that the object of her affections was a girl. This was unusual—not unexpected, and not bad, but it was the first conversation of this kind he’d had with anyone, outside of Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai. And those conversations were markedly unpleasant.

“I’ve been trying to get her to come visit your uncle’s tea shop with me. She’s never been to Ba Sing Se before.” He watched Toph’s fingers dig a little deeper into the mud beside her, and he realized she really _was_ nervous.

He stumbled over his words in trying to convey to her that he was okay with what she just shared. “That’s great. Is her tea any good? Is she…nice to you?”

Toph flicked a pebble at his face, which he narrowly dodged. She gazed down towards the ground. “Between you and me, it’s usually not anything special. I guess I just keep going back for her.” She smiled. “I think she’s what makes it my favorite place.”

The softness in her voice—it was obvious how much she cared for this girl. And he wanted to see Toph happy, yet he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “Does she feel the same way? Is she…you know…like you?”

He cursed his lack of tact as Toph decided in that moment that she would return to being obstinate and difficult. “Like me how?” She reached for the wine and took another sip, her eyes boring into his uncannily. “Go ahead. I’m waiting.”

Zuko felt relieved she couldn’t see how red his face was turning. No one ever taught him to have conversations about these things, and the conversations he _did_ have with Azula involved many threats if he told anyone about her and Ty Lee. Neither girl had ever named it, so neither did Zuko. But this topic, about… _preferences_ , it was something he had once asked Azula about, and later felt stupid for asking, like he was her younger brother and she was so much more worldly than him.

He had said, “What will happen when you get married to a guy?” It made Azula flinch, so he kept going even though he knew it was a bad idea. “You can’t marry Ty Lee, you know. It doesn’t work that way.”

She had snapped at him then, backing him against the garden wall. “I _know_ it doesn’t,” she hissed, “and I know I’m going to have to pretend for the rest of my life.” She sniffed and shook her head, knowing she’d admitted a weakness and couldn’t leave the conversation until she had the upper hand. “Just like you and mother,” she added for good measure. “You know you’ll never belong here. At least I can pretend. You’ll never be able to.”

How right she had been.

Finally, he settled on asking, “Does she also, ah, have feelings for women? You know. Like you?”

Another pebble flew his way, hitting his scar. “Toph, I’m trying my best!” he protested. “Don’t throw your stupid rocks at my scar, okay? It hurts.”

Toph curled up into herself, hugging her knees to her chest. “I didn’t know that’s where it was,” she replied evenly. “And I don’t know. About Caihong. I hope so.”

Zuko rubbed at the tender skin under his now closed eye, which hurt from the pain but couldn’t produce the tears to react. “You should just ask her out.”

“You think so?” Toph said, in a way that he couldn’t tell if she was being serious or about to tease him. “Why, is that how it’s worked for you?”

“I guess so.” He shrugged. “I don’t have much experience. But I think she’d be a fool to turn you down.”

This seemed to satisfy Toph, who drank the last dregs of wine in the bottle. She silently bent them two earth-tents, and said, “Thank you, Zuko,” when she crawled into hers around an hour later.

* * *

The next morning, Zuko stared at the view from where he stood—a green field that evened out into a cliff, overlooking the glittering ocean below and the endless spirals of trees that rose up from the beach. Toph had stopped beside him and turned to face him.

“What are you looking at?” she asked. “Why aren’t we moving?”

“It’s just beautiful,” Zuko breathed. “I wish you could see it.” He winced. “Okay, well not _see_ it, maybe that wasn’t—”

“Tell me about it.” Toph bent herself a tiny stump of rock to sit on. “What’s it look like?”

How could he possibly explain it to someone who’d never seen a thing in her life? Who didn’t even know what colors were? This view was so familiar to him, because it was a similar view to many of the islands in the Fire Nation. It was comforting, nostalgic.

He couldn’t have spent more time dwelling on those questions, though, because Toph had started to fling pebbles at his shins. He turned back towards the vista and tried to describe what he saw.

“This grassy flat plain we’re on now, it goes ahead and stops into a cliff.” He paused. “But I’m sure you know that. What you probably can’t see is that the ocean is far below us, but you can see it from here. And the tall trees that are around us, they’re coming up from the coastline and up the hills.” He sighed. “The ocean is so blue today.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Toph’s lack of sarcasm surprised him. “I mean, I know what colors are supposed to be, I guess, but…” she shrugged.

“Okay, well…” Zuko paused, then conjured a tiny flame in his palm. “You feel the heat from the fire I have? That’s red. I guess. It’s the color of the Fire Nation. And it’s the color of fire.” He looked down at the waves breaking across a few craggy rocks on the shore. “And blue is…the opposite of that. It’s water. And tears. And, uh…cool? Like cold?”

Toph nodded. “What color is your scar?”

Zuko was surprised again. “Why do you ask?”

“It seems to be a pretty important part of you. Everyone talks about it.” She shrugged.

“It’s a dark red.” He sat down on the grass and leaned back on his hands, enjoying the breeze and smell of salt.

The silence he shared with Toph in that moment was nice. Whatever she was looking at or seeing, he wasn’t sure, but he knew she was taking in the landscape around them for what it was: gorgeous and untouched.

He had almost fallen asleep by the time Toph piped up with, “Can I see your scar?”

Zuko wrinkled his nose and tossed some of the pebbles Toph had sent his way back at her. “Are you asking to put your feet on my face? No way.”

This made her burst out in laughter, so hard she doubled over. “No, dumbass, with my hands!” She grinned. “But it would’ve been fun to trick you into doing that.”

Zuko nodded, then realized she couldn’t have seen him nod. “You’re very curious this trip.” He drew near her and knelt before her little rock stump so they’d be eye level.

“Is that good or bad?” Toph’s feet scuffled at the ground, adjusting to Zuko’s sudden proximity.

“I don’t know yet.” Zuko smiled back. “Just observing.”

Toph reached out her hand and hit him on the face—not hard enough to be a slap, but enough that Zuko recoiled. “Hey!” he cried. “What’s your problem?!”

“Just observing,” she responded, then put one hand on the unscarred part of Zuko’s face.

He could tell she was serious this time around, so he closed his eyes and let her touch his eyelid, the bridge of his nose, his forehead, his chin. And when her hand made it to his scar, she hesitated.

“Is this it?”

Zuko nodded, then reached up to move her hand. “It goes all the way around to my ear. I can’t hear too well out of it.” He readjusted her again. “I don’t have an eyebrow on this side, either. And I can’t open my eye very wide.” He hesitated. “I can’t really see out of it, either.”

Toph nodded. Her hand moved again so she was just barely cupping his cheek. “I see you.”

Zuko’s fond feelings in the moment were ruined by the mud Toph had been gathering in her other hand and smudged across his cheek. “You’re impossible!” he growled at her as he swiped the dirt off.

“And you’ve stopped paying attention,” she countered, launching herself up from her stump. “All those boring meetings with your advisors are making you sloppy.”

“I don’t want to spar with you, Toph.” And it was true. Ever since accidentally burning her feet, he never wanted to risk it happening again. “We don’t have Katara with us in case you get hurt.”

“Oh, please. You just don’t want to admit that I’d kick your scrawny ass.” She smirked, then wrapped her arms around his, like she had done so often when they walked on sand or wood. “Why didn’t you tell me you can’t see out of your eye?”

“It’s not really something I like to talk about.” Zuko shrugged. “It’s not exactly a good memory how it happened.”

He’d had to relearn so many things after his father had burned him. Suddenly, he had no peripheral vision on his left side (technically, no vision on that side at all). His depth perception was ruined, and for the first few months he and his uncle had wandered the world searching for the Avatar, he was covered in bruises from constantly bumping into things. It was infuriating, a constant reminder of just how much his father had taken from him.

“I don’t actually know how you got it,” Toph said quietly. “You don’t have to tell me how. But I just wish I’d known there was someone else like me in our group.”

_In more ways than one_ , Zuko thought to himself, before feeling ashamed.

“I’m sorry,” was all Zuko could manage out. “I thought you’d noticed by now that I fight sloppier if someone is on my left.”

Toph smiled. “It’s okay. I can’t see out of my left eye, either.”

* * *

They had stopped to rest and drink tea in the middle of the day. He’d forgotten how fond Toph was of napping, and he was starting to understand why. It was peaceful out here, and the sounds were so soft and lush that it was easy to fall asleep.

Toph sipped at her tea and smiled. “Pretty good.”

“‘Pretty good’? Like Caihong’s ‘pretty good’ tea? I’ve definitely picked up more from my uncle than that.”

Toph rolled her eyes and stared off past Zuko’s shoulder. “Just trying to keep you humble,” she snickered, then asked, “So will you tell me now what really happened between you and Mai?”

Zuko shifted uncomfortably. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“You’re a horrible liar.” Toph raised the ground under his ass and flattened it back out quickly so he’d jerk back and forth. “I can’t even believe you’re related to Azula.”

“Neither can I,” he admitted, “but no one can lie like her.”

Toph mimicked his voice and said, “You’re dodging the question.”

He crossed his arms under his head as he laid back on the ground. “What is it that you really want to ask me, then?”

“I don’t know…” Toph sighed. “You’re just not telling the whole truth about this. Something’s different with you, Zuko.”

“I have changed,” he countered, “I’m even taller than you now than I was last year.”

Toph groaned but thankfully threw no pebbles his way. Instead, she laid back on the ground like Zuko, her fingers aimlessly rooting around in the grass. “You’re afraid to tell me something.”

“I can’t be as open as you, Toph.” He rubbed a hand over his scar, still sensitive from the night before.

This made Toph perk up, because she rolled so she would be facing him. “You still care about Mai,” she offered.

“Yes, I do.” Zuko’s mouth felt dry, but the tea wasn’t helping much.

“But not like that.” Toph seemed to be counting out what she knew on her hands.

“Yes, not like that anymore.” Spirits, was it getting hotter, too? He pulled at the neck of his tunic to let some air down his chest.

“Because…there’s another girl?” Toph ventured, then shook her head. “No, no…there’s someone else. But not necessarily a girl.”

Zuko swallowed hard, dreading this part of the conversation. Even though Toph seemed scared while sharing with him last night, it at least seemed easy for her to say what she said. He’d never said anything about this out loud and couldn’t imagine himself forcing any of it out. He’d grown up hiding his feelings from almost everyone, so why should he start sharing them now?

“Your heart’s beating fast.” Toph wrung her hands before spreading them back out onto the ground. “Something I said was right.”

Zuko nodded, then mentally kicked himself for the thousandth time that Toph probably couldn’t see him doing that.

“Are you going to make me say the words for you…Pyro?” Toph clicked her tongue with disgust. “That’s definitely not the nickname.”

Zuko rolled over onto his side and studied Toph again. Here was his friend, being so open, so honest with him, as gentle as she could be in trying to get him to talk about himself. And he felt disgusted that he couldn’t say anything in response, felt like his tongue had been swallowed up as it had been when he’d been around his father.

So instead he asked, “How did you know that you liked girls?”

Toph reached out for her tea and sat up slightly. “How did you know that you were alive?”

“What?” Zuko didn’t follow, turning his attention towards the tree canopy above him.

“I mean I always knew.” Toph reached out for the kettle and poured herself more tea. “Like I always knew I was blind. I just…didn’t confront it for a long time.”

Zuko opened his mouth to say something, but Toph continued on. “About a year before Aang found me—so probably a year before you and I met—I had finally convinced my father that I could hang around ‘normal’ kids and it wouldn’t bother me. One of his closest friends would often come for dinner, and he started bringing his daughter.

Her name was Annchi. She would always protest about having to play with me, saying it was more like babysitting than anything else. But they’d leave us alone and go talk about business or whatever and once Annchi understood that I wasn’t just a piece of scenery in my father’s house, we got to talking. She was the first friend I ever really had.”

There was a sadness in her voice that Zuko recognized—the longing for a childhood filled with companionship instead of loneliness. At least he’d had Azula and her friends, even if they were horrible; he wasn’t always alone like Toph was.

“We became closer, and she would tell me about life at school. About how the girls in her class would brag about getting a kiss from the boys, and pass notes about it under their desks during lessons. I didn’t know what she was talking about, so I asked her what the hell a kiss was.

She got really quiet, and then she kissed me. And a lot of things started to make sense. I’d always thought I wanted to be around girls my age because I was lonely, not because they were potential romantic options. The guys at the Rumbles, they talked about their girlfriends or whatever women they were pursuing, and I always understood what they meant. And then I realized why.”

Zuko cleared his throat. “I’m sensing this story doesn’t have a happy ending.”

Toph sighed. “No. Annchi came over a few times after that, and we kissed more. I could feel from her heartbeat that she was enjoying herself. Then one day, my parents took me aside and told me Annchi wasn’t going to come over anymore because she was a ‘bad influence’ on me. And then I got the whole lecture about ‘continuing the family line’ and what sex was and blah blah, and I understood that I was different.” She paused. “Not _wrong_ , just different.”

Zuko chuckled. “The whole ‘when a man and a woman love each other so much, they share it in a special way’ speech. I remember that.”

“What? There’s a whole speech? My dad just kept coughing and explaining that in order for the Beifong name to continue on, I’d have to have children, and here’s how it worked.”

This made Zuko full out laugh, snorting a little too. “You have me beat there. I thought the speech _I_ got from my mom was bad, but I suppose I was wrong.”

Toph shifted again, this time facing him head on. “So when did you know?”

Zuko sputtered. “Come again? Know—know what?”

Toph stayed quiet, her empty stare boring into Zuko. He felt like she could see right through him. She wasn’t going to say a thing, he realized, until he confessed. Her words echoed in his head: “ _not_ wrong, _just different_.” The words seemed apt to describe many parts of his life.

“I don’t like to talk about it,” he finally replied. His words came out measured, deliberate. “I sort of always knew, too. But I didn’t…my suspicions weren’t confirmed until I started hanging out around you guys.”

“What?! With who?” Toph was leaning forward with excitement now, her eyes sparkling. “Oh, _please_ tell me it wasn’t Aang, that would be so gross, and—”

“Sokka and I messed around,” he blurted out. “Not a lot, but…enough.”

Surprise danced across Toph’s features. “And there I was, with my fake crush on Sokka, trying to convince myself that maybe I could like him,” Toph barked out through laughter, “while you two were _doing it_ behind all of our backs! Oh boy, did Katara ever find out?!”

“It wasn’t like that,” Zuko snapped. And it was true. It wasn’t. He and Sokka were both lonely at the same time, expressed mutual attraction late at night when they were sure no one else was awake, and acted on it. Sokka and Suki weren’t exactly together, per se, and had both agreed that while the war kept them apart, they could see other people. So Sokka and he messed around a few times.

It wasn’t anything special or extraordinary to Sokka, but it was to Zuko. Because Sokka was the first boy he’d ever kissed, and when they went to Boiling Rock and he saw Mai, he knew he could never, ever go back to pretending he liked her like that. Sokka had changed it all for him.

“Were you that bored?” Toph continued, oblivious to Zuko’s thoughtful silence. “I mean, did you—you _have_ to tell me now!”

Zuko sighed. “We sparred a lot together.”

“So? I sparred with Twinkletoes and Sugar Queen and that didn’t make me want them or anything.”

“We dueled. With swords. Not a euphemism, just the truth. That gets a lot more…personal than any bending fights do.”

“Who asked who first?” Toph was giddy with delight over this situation, and Zuko felt a little hurt that she wasn’t understanding it was important to him. Maybe because _he_ was trying to act like it wasn’t important to him.

“Look, it would get hot, we’d both be shirtless, admiring each other’s physiques…”

Toph let out a hoot of laughter. “‘ _Each other’s physiques_ ’? Why are you talking like that?”

“Do you want to hear the story or not?” he snapped at her, which prompted her to reign in her composure.

“We just spent a lot of time together, alone,” he continued. “We talked about Suki and Mai, and then one night we sort of just…stopped talking about them and started talking about each other.”

“Was he your first kiss?”

“No, obviously not. I had dated Mai for years.”

“Your first _real_ kiss, dummy.” Toph rolled her eyes again. “The first one that mattered.”

Wordlessly, Zuko sat up and reached for his pack, feeling if he ate something his stomach would stop feeling unsettled. He cautioned Toph to lean back as he started the fire and began to heat the rice.

“In a way,” Zuko finally admitted, after spending just enough time distracting himself with food preparation to calm his nerves. “I wasn’t the first boy Sokka kissed.” He grimaced. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Relax, I don’t see Snoozles often enough that this comes up in conversation.” Toph took a diplomatic sip of her tea. “But it is an interesting fact anyway.”

“Right. Well, we’d go to spar and end up…you know. Making out, and stuff. Or it’d get cool at night and we’d…anyway. And this lie I’d spent my whole life crafting finally caught up to me, the same way the lies I’d been telling myself about my ‘rightful place’ within my family did.”

“I get it.” Toph stifled a yawn. “Can you make the dumplings?”

“Sure.” Was this conversation over? Did Zuko _want_ it to be over? Was he done yet?

Something in him told him to keep going. “You know, Azula and Ty Lee…they were—”

“Pfft, they were easy to pin down. I knew it was pretty much the one and only thing the three of us had in common.”

“If you could have seen Azula’s face when she looked at Ty Lee, you’d know she was terrible at hiding it.” Zuko shrugged. “That was the one lie she couldn’t really keep a secret from those of us who knew her well. Anyway, I was sort of pushed together with Mai because it seemed to be the right thing to do, and for a while, I guess I did enjoy it. But by the time I was banished…I could think much more freely. About myself.”

“Did you tell Mai any of this?”

Zuko cringed, remembering the fight they’d had when he first admitted things wouldn’t work out to her. They had both cried, and Mai had hit him as she bawled into his chest, demanding to know why she wasn’t good enough. He’d told her the truth, which she took to mean that she was so awful she’d made Zuko swear off women forever.

“It wasn’t an easy conversation.” Zuko snapped his fingers to add a spark of heat to the fire to speed up the dumplings. “She took it very personally.”

Mercifully, Toph had appeared to decide to leave Zuko alone about Mai for the time being. Instead, she shifted tactics: “I told you about _my_ first kiss. Now it’s your turn.”

Zuko sighed just as the dumplings began to sizzle. He moved them around in the pan, waiting til they turned golden brown. “Are you trying to make up for the fact that neither of us had social lives as children, so we have to talk about all of this now to get it out of the way?”

“You’re impossible, Sparky.” Toph stuck out her tongue. “Ugh, that’s definitely not your nickname, either.”

The dumplings were ready, the smell of spiced meat starting to fill the air. He doled them out between himself and Toph, managing a few bites before he continued talking. “I kissed Mai on accident. Azula tricked me.”

“I wanna know all about your secret _loooove_ adventures with Sokka!” Toph wiped her mouth with her sleeve after finishing her dumplings in mere seconds. “Seriously, I thought I knew everything that was going on. I didn’t really have a choice _not_ to. You’re all very noisy sleepers.”

Zuko took a bite of a dumpling over his steaming bowl of rice, letting some of the juices flow down and be absorbed by the rice. “Alright, but you can’t laugh.” Zuko turned his chopsticks towards her. “I’m serious, absolutely no laughter.”

Toph mimed being struck through the heart and flopped down onto the ground. “That’s like, the most impossible thing you’ve ever asked me to do.”

“No, I asked you to not give me a nickname,” Zuko said, surprised at the sound of his own chuckles, “that was the most impossible thing.”

“Just set the scene for me and tell the story, Zuko!”

In hindsight, it was easy to see how he and Sokka were inevitably going to crash into each other the more time they spent together. They were both painfully lonely, missing people they cared about who they wouldn’t see for months. Whatever it was that they were craving, they seemed to find in abundance when they were together.

Zuko had heard whispers from his ship’s crew about Fire Nation soldiers who would sleep together while they were out fighting, feeling they had no other choice but to turn to each other for sex. He’d scoff with what seemed like appropriate disgust every time it was brought up, ordering them not to talk about it, but wondered at night who those men were. If they were angry at themselves like he was, in so many ways. How had their relationships started? Certainly not by asking if the other would like to break the law by having sex. Did they kiss? Did they hold each other at night, a feeling Zuko had longed for ever since his banishment? They were questions that died on his tongue the moment he thought of them.

“Sokka and I trained a lot while we were at the Air Temple. We were both…angry about things, so our sparring would last a lot longer than usual. He was still rightfully hurt about what I’d done in the past, and I was—and still am—pained over the choices I’d made.” He paused to take a bite of his rice. “Sokka was a good fighter, but he needed refinement. He didn’t know how to fight against someone with two blades. We fought til the point of exhaustion, then we’d head to the fountains to shower off.”

Toph smirked. “I’m showing a lot of self-restraint right now by not laughing, I just want you to know.”

“You should bend that bracelet of yours into a medal instead. That way everyone will know you were able to go one minute without turning the conversation dirty.”

She obliged, then threw it his way. “Here you go. You can add the words.”

The space rock was smooth against his palms, and he found its cool surface was helping him stay calm. “We were drying up our hair, getting ready to go back for dinner. I’d complimented Sokka on his skills. And we sort of just…looked at each other for a few seconds, and then we just…smashed into each other. I don’t know how to describe it, like some sort of a magnetic pull. And we kissed for a while and didn’t really talk about it until later.”

Toph had found a stick and was picking between her toes. “I think I remember that day. Your heart was beating like crazy, and I couldn’t figure out why.” She flicked a clump of mud away from her feet. “Again, I’d like to point out how I am very much _not_ laughing right now.”

“I was nervous because I was afraid Sokka would say something!” Zuko cried out. “It’s not _legal_ in the Fire Nation, and I had no idea if the Water Tribe felt the same, or if he was going to say that we’d kissed and turn it into a big joke!”

His heart started to hammer again, just from remembering how uncomfortable that dinner had been. Everyone was engaged in their usual chatter, even Sokka, but Zuko couldn’t bring himself to meet anyone in the eye. He felt ashamed of what he’d just done, even if it was impossible to tell if he or Sokka had started it in the first place. Sokka was making horrible jokes about the food like nothing had happened. So Zuko decided to follow suit and pretend everything was fine, which was one of the things he was abysmal at.

“When we went to our sleeping bags for the night, Sokka poked me, grinning that stupid grin of his. He didn’t understand how scared I was. I couldn’t even face him. I just kept whispering, ‘Please don’t tell anyone,’ which he also found funny, for some reason. Eventually he realized I was serious and then started apologizing. Because he thought I’d hated it and he’d come onto me. Even though I’d enjoyed it more than all of my hours with Mai combined.

I whispered to him, ‘I liked it, but I know I wasn’t supposed to,’ which he seemed to understand. And then he rolled over and he held me until I fell asleep, and when I woke up, he was still there. So I guess I’d done something right.” He paused, another memory coming to his mind. “I think I told him he was the most handsome man I’d ever seen.”

Suddenly, Toph stiffened and sat up. “What was that?” She laid her palm flat against the ground. The corners of her eyes twitched.

“What was what?” Zuko felt his stomach drop and turned to look around. How had anyone found them out here? No one but his closest advisors knew the exact location of their trip.

As quickly as she sat up, Toph thumped back on the ground and laughed. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just heard a massive _dork_ and I wasn’t sure if someone had replaced you with a lovesick idiot while I was relaxing.”

Zuko tossed her bracelet back at her then, which smacked against her chest since she couldn’t see where he’d thrown it. “Absolutely insufferable. When you tell me about your first kiss with Caihong, you’ll never see what I’ll have coming for you. I’ll laugh louder than you’ve ever heard me before.”

Toph’s features crumpled as she began to let out the laughter she’d been holding in. “I really _won’t_ see it coming, you’re right, Zuko! You’re a comedic genius!” She sniffed and rubbed her nose. “I’m sorry, you just—you told him he was the most handsome man you’d ever seen? How is that possible? Haven’t you seen…I dunno, like at least a hundred other men in your life?”

Zuko scoffed. “Well, have you ever looked at him? Like you did with me earlier?”

“Never felt the need to,” Toph crooned back. “I only like to look at pretty girls. And, now, I guess, big dorks.”

* * *

The next day, they’d stopped to rest near the edge of the river. It was a hot day, too hot to keep hiking—summer was rapidly approaching. Going for a swim sounded like the perfect time-wasting activity he never had a chance to do in his day-to-day life.

“Are you coming?” he asked Toph as he waded into the water. “The water feels nice.”

Toph let out an exaggerated sigh. “Zuko, I can’t swim.”

“Oh. Right.” He glanced back and forth between the shoreline and where Toph was lounging on the grass. “At least stick your feet in. You have to be hot.”

“Yep, I’m smokin’.” Toph laughed. “I mean, I assume I must be.”

“Are you fishing for compliments?”

“I’ll never tell.”

Zuko took down his hair and submerged himself under the water. It reminded him of swimming on Ember Island with his mother, long before he’d become the frequent target of his father’s rage, long before he’d known he could never fit the image of what his family wanted him to be. The world could be quiet and peaceful.

“—you’d stop going underwater,” he heard Toph say with annoyance as he resurfaced. “I can’t see if you’re there or not. And then I’m just talking to myself like an asshole.”

Zuko brushed the hair out of his eyes to look at Toph, who was pouting at the water’s edge. “I’m sorry.” He smiled a little. “It felt nice, though.”

“Hmm,” Toph grumbled.

Was she…jealous? Now that it was just the two of them alone and she was the only one not swimming, was she sad that she was missing out?

Zuko swam to shore and climbed out of the water, shivering as the breeze brushed against his skin. He walked up to Toph and stuck his hand out. “Come swim with me.”

“What?! No way.” Toph shook her head, even backing up a little. “What part of ‘I can’t swim’ do you not understand?”

“Toph, do you really think I’d let you drown?” He put his hand on her arm. “I can’t believe Katara or Aang never offered to help you.”

“Maybe because I didn’t want them to!” she snapped, yanking herself away from him. “I. Don’t. Want. To. Swim.”

Her shoulders were so tense, and her hands fidgeted in her lap. It looked so familiar to Zuko—familiar because it was how he used to look, all the time. She was afraid, he realized. Not because she didn’t trust him, but because of all the things she couldn’t do being blind, swimming was the most obvious, and the one without any solution. She wouldn’t be able to see in the water if it rose past her shins, plain and simple.

“It’s okay to be afraid.” He sat down next to her. “I know you don’t like to be vulnerable.”

He tried to think of something more helpful to say, maybe some old wisdom of his uncle’s that could soothe her anxiety. “I wish I could remember more of my uncle’s proverbs, but I’m drawing a blank.”

“I’m not afraid,” Toph mumbled.

Zuko smiled. “You’re a bad liar, you know.”

She turned around, her face furrowed with worry. “If I go with you, do you promise not to let go? No funny business?”

“You have my word.”

“Okay.” She grabbed his elbow. “Lead the way, O Fiery One.”

He stopped short. “No, wait. It’ll be easier if you get on my back, I think.”

Her face brightened immediately. “I get to ride you like an ostrich-horse?! Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”

In seconds she was on his back, her grip tight around his throat. He managed to cough out a quick “Toph!” as she loosened up.

It was silly, maybe, to do things this way, but it made sense to him—he was much taller than her and could swim deeper, which would be a problem if she held onto his arm. If she stayed on his back, he could still submerge himself without having to worry about accidentally dunking her down.

For a moment, he thought, fleetingly, that this was what his childhood with Azula was supposed to have been like. The teasing, carrying her around on his back, going out and exploring the world together—yet here he was now, almost eighteen years old, experiencing it all for the first time. And, he realized, so was Toph.

“I’m going to go in slowly, okay?” he told her. “You can tell me when you want to stop.”

He felt her nod against the back of his head. The water was crystal clear and so bright he had to squint to look at it. He waded in up to his waist, and when Toph said nothing, he went deeper until he submerged his chest. Toph was up to her waist in the water when she asked him to stop.

“This…is nice,” she said finally. “It was hot, you were right.”

“Of course I was right. I know what hot is. I’m…a firebender,” he finished weakly. “That joke worked better in my head.”

Toph folded her arms on top of Zuko’s head and rested her head against his. “You just have to be more confident in the delivery, Zuko.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “Maybe talk to Sokka for some joke advice.”

“Ugh. I never should have told you.”

They stayed in the water for a while, and Zuko wondered for a moment if Toph had fallen asleep. He wouldn’t have blamed her; the breeze was perfect, the water was calm, and the sounds of nature were relaxing.

“You know, this reminds me of this one time Azula, Ty Lee, Mai, and I were playing Komodo chicken,” he said suddenly. “It was me and Azula versus Ty Lee and Mai. Azula kept saying we were gonna win, and then she dunked me under the water instead of Ty Lee.” He sighed. He could still hear their laughter, the way they’d cackled when he sputtered out water and stormed away from them.

“Not gonna lie, I’ve thought about dunking you,” Toph admitted. “But you’re being so nice, so I won’t.”

“Thanks, Toph.”

“Don’t mention it.”

* * *

Later that evening, after a particularly large meal, Zuko and Toph were lazing around, listening to the frogs croak. A cool breeze tickled their faces.

“Why did you trust me?” Zuko blurted out. It was a question that had been on his mind since he first joined the Avatar—why Toph had been so ready to defend him in front of the others when she hardly knew him.

“Uh, you’ll have to be more specific.” He heard Toph roll over. “When? Today? Yesterday? A year ago?”

“You were the only one who trusted me when I came to train Aang.” Zuko rolled over to face her, thankful she’d started to position herself to his right instead of his left. “I know you didn’t get chased by me as much as everyone else did, but…why?”

“I knew you weren’t lying right away,” Toph replied. “That was easy. But I also knew Appa liked you, for some reason. And, of course, I talked with your uncle forever about you. So I felt like I knew you.”

“If it hadn’t been for you, I don’t think Katara or Sokka ever would’ve warmed up to me.” He studied Toph’s inscrutable face, the calm rise and fall of her breathing. She was so different from him, but in that moment, she felt as familiar as the scar on his face, as comforting as his uncle’s tea.

Toph lazily folded her arms behind her head. “Yup. You basically owe everything to me, Fire Jerk.”

“Don’t tell me Fire Jerk is the nickname.”

“So sorry to let you down, but I think Fire Jerk is the nickname.”

Zuko sighed, but he couldn’t even feign annoyance. It was sweet of Toph to give him a nickname, even if it was silly, and he wasn’t _that_ much of a jerk anymore. With an ache in his chest, he realized how much he missed this, how truly lonely he felt all the time without his friends or his uncle. They were all scattered across the world, doing important things, being important people—when had that happened? The war had ended a year ago, but it felt like dozens of years had passed since then.

Zuko was, perhaps, more sure of himself now than he was back then, but he seemed to forget all the time that he was barely eighteen years old—the youngest Fire Lord to ever hold the throne, the youngest world leader (besides Aang, but he was the Avatar, so it didn’t really count)…and yet he was all alone. Aang had Katara. Sokka had Suki and his father. Toph had herself (and her students). Zuko had no one; not his uncle, not even Ty Lee or Mai. Why hadn’t it occurred to him before that he was this lonely? Had he seriously been so busy he hadn’t noticed?

Before he could wallow in his anger over the fact that he was lonely at all, Toph interrupted his thoughts. “Do you miss it?”

Now it was her turn to confuse him. “Miss what?”

“Traveling with everyone. Seeing the world.” Ah. So their thoughts had been running parallel in the silence. “Because I miss it.”

“Of course I do. All the time. We got to do something that few others get to do.”

“The ‘saving the world’ thing? The ‘traveling the world on a flying bison’ thing? I guess those things were great. I just…”

She had turned to face him completely, curling in on herself. She seemed…so small.

She looked like the 14-year-old she was. It felt like getting hit by sparks of lightning, remembering Toph was _only fourteen_.

“We got to be kids. You know? Some of my dumbass students are _your_ age, Zuko—”

“I’m ancient,” he cut in, hoping to lighten the mood.

“For some reason I just feel like it would be funnier if Sokka said it. Huh.” A wicked grin crossed her face at the thought. “Anyway, what I mean is—I’m their teacher and I’m younger than them. And yeah, I’m the greatest earthbender in the entire world and I invented metalbending and all that, but at the end of the day, they get to go home and be kids. And I never do.”

Zuko felt her sadness deeply. He scooted closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder, hoping it would seem comforting and not weird. Toph leaned into his touch without a word.

“The fourteen-year-old snots I teach still go to regular school. And worry about getting their chores done and shit like that. But I’m their age and none of that stuff feels familiar to me, at all.” She held up a hand. “Before you say it’s different because I’m blind, I know that, but that’s not what I mean.”

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Zuko was surprised at how thick his throat felt, how heavy his words seemed to be. “I was going to say it’s different because we fought in a war on the frontlines.”

“Why does it have to be us?” Toph asked. She sat up, shaking Zuko’s hand loose. Her eyes swirled with anger. “We saved the world when we were just kids. We still _are_ kids. Why do we have to rebuild the world?”

“It has to be us,” Zuko said with a sigh, recalling his uncle’s advice to him, “because we’re the idealists with a pure vision for the future. Change doesn’t seem impossible to us.”

“I just wanna be a kid and do stupid shit with you and Sokka and Aang.” Toph sniffled, a few tears streaking down her cheek. “I hate that we’re all so busy being _leaders_. Being in charge of things. Having to teach the rest of the world how to rebuild when we’re not even the ones who broke it in the first place.”

Even though he knew she’d probably hate it, Zuko wrapped Toph up in a hug. She hugged him back fiercely, her tears dampening the shoulder of his tunic. He wanted to cry, too, but felt if he did, then neither of them would ever stop.

“I know it’s not fair. Believe me, there are days where I wish more than anything I could just be Zuko from nowhere. Not the Fire Lord, or the former crown prince, or Ozai’s son. To be able to run through a city without needing guards or worrying if someone’s coming to kill me.” He swallowed hard. “But that’s not my life.”

Toph pulled away from him and punched him on the arm. “Fuck, Zuko, why aren’t you _mad_ about this?! Why doesn’t this bother you?!”

“Of course it bothers me,” he snapped, feeling his temper flare. “Do you think I like being alone all the time, surrounded by diplomats and servants and guards? Without a single friend even close by? Of course I hate it, Toph, but I have to accept it. There’s nothing I can do.”

Toph just shook her head. A humorless laugh escaped her lips. “It’s funny how you say we’re the only ones who believe change can happen, then you act like there’s nothing you can do to change the fact that you’re lonely and bored all the time.”

“It doesn’t work that way, okay? I have an entire nation to lead, a whole world to help rebuild. I can’t just decide to fuck off whenever I want, Toph.” When had this conversation turned so angry? Why was he so upset?

She backed away from him and stood up. She brushed some dirt off her knees before she spoke. “You know what I think? I think you _like_ being lonely all the time because you think you deserve it.”

“ _How could you say that_?!” Zuko cried. “What the fuck, Toph?”

“You know how I know? You wanna know how?” The edge to her voice was dangerous, reminding him of Azula. “Because maybe I feel the same way too! Okay? Maybe I also feel like a fucking loser with no friends all the time! But the difference between you and me, _Fire Lord_ , is that I found my own friends and try to keep in touch with my old ones, even though I’m blind and can’t even fucking write a letter!”

She turned on her heel and started to stomp off. Zuko quickly rose to his feet, feeling bewildered and angry and unsure of what had just happened. “Toph, wait!”

Of course, it was a stupid move on his part, because Toph knew where he was and sent a rock his way to trip him. “I’ll be back later. Don’t even think about following me.”

He knew from the tone of her voice that he shouldn’t, so he didn’t. Instead, he sat alone (of course) hearing her words echoing in his head: _I think you like being lonely all the time because you think you deserve it_.

* * *

It was hours later when Toph finally returned to the campsite. Zuko hadn’t even started dinner; he’d simply sat there staring at the trees for hours. He’d tried to meditate, to nap, to do anything to take his mind off of things, but nothing worked.

 _You think you deserve it_. How could that still be true? And yet, Zuko had barely written to Sokka over his own shame at liking men. Zuko had barely _seen_ Sokka because the thought was so excruciatingly painful to him, of being reminded of what he couldn’t have and could never be as the Fire Lord. He couldn’t confide in Suki because she was Sokka’s girlfriend, so he tried to limit the time he saw her, too. Obviously he’d kept in touch with Aang and Katara, but he’d reasoned he didn’t need to see them because he’d just be a third wheel. The only person he really saw with any frequency was Toph, and even then, months passed between their visits. Zuko had burned his bridge with Mai, which also meant Ty Lee, by extension, so he had no friends left.

And of course he missed his uncle and thought about writing him every day to beg him to return to the Fire Nation so he wouldn’t be alone. The worst part was that he knew his uncle would leave Ba Sing Se if he asked him to—but he didn’t want to do that to him. Not to the only person who’d ever believed in him, who’d practically raised him throughout the most difficult time of his life. But his uncle had finally found his own happiness, and the trappings of daily life in the royal palace were uninteresting to him. So Zuko didn’t talk much to him, either, because he felt his selfish need to not be alone would seep into every conversation they had.

He also knew that in the back of his head, all this time, he _had_ been thinking that he did deserve this, because he could never lead a normal life if he liked men. He hated to admit it, but it was true. As usual, Toph was right. Toph was always right, blunt and insightful with whatever tiny detail she’d picked up on.

“I should apologize,” he finally said to her, once she had seated herself across from him. She raised her hands to the fire to warm up.

“No, I should apologize,” she said with a sigh. “I’m sorry I got so angry with you. None of this is your fault. Well, it’s your dad’s fault, kinda, but not you.”

“I know.”

“But I guess I just…when I see you so mopey and all gloomy like you are, it reminds me of how I felt when I thought I had to trick myself into liking guys to fit in and be normal. And I hate that I ever did that or thought I needed to.”

Zuko swallowed and looked away. “You were right, you know. I guess…I guess I do feel like I should be alone. Because I deserve it.”

“But you don’t,” Toph replied softly. “Neither of us do. Nobody who’s like us should feel this way.”

Zuko realized how late it was with a loud growl from his stomach and went to fetch some dinner from their packs. It sounded like Toph needed to think out loud for a while, and he didn’t particularly feel like talking, so he just let her be.

He quickly warmed the water for tea in his hands as he set to cooking the strips of Komodo chicken he’d brought with them. After a quick moment of thought, he decided to prepare ginseng tea, recalling how his uncle had once said it was calming to the senses.

“You can change it, you know.” Toph leaned in to smell what was cooking with a smile on her face. “You can change how people like us get treated.”

Zuko scoffed. “No I can’t. What are you talking about?”

“You’re the Fire Lord, doofus.” That old mischievous smile of hers danced across her lips. “You can do whatever you want.”

“I very much _cannot_ do whatever I want,” Zuko insisted. “Remember my father? You know, who did whatever he wanted and almost ruined the whole world?”

“Don’t be stupid.” Toph shook her head. “You can pass a law and change things. You’re all about undoing the past legacy of the Fire Nation, right? Well, the laws forbidding it are _your_ great-grandfather’s doing. Sozin was the one who made it illegal.”

This surprised him. The history books had made it seem like those laws had always been in place, long before Sozin was on the throne. “How do you know that?”

“I talked to your uncle about it when I saw him last.” Toph casually picked at dirt between her toes. “I told him about me and asked for his advice. And he said that once, a long time ago, the Fire Nation was known for its tolerance, but Sozin had changed all that.”

“I can’t believe _you_ came out to my uncle before I even had the chance to,” Zuko muttered, surprised he’d even said it aloud. “Wow.”

“Really makes you think, right? Anyways, Fire Jerk, you can change the law.”

The Komodo chicken sizzled, and Zuko handed a skewer to Toph, along with some ginseng tea. “It’s not that simple.”

Toph took an angry bite of her dinner. “Why do you keep saying that?” she asked through a mouthful of meat. “You’re the _Fire Lord_ , dude!”

“I’m working to undo a hundred years of damage to the entire world, and I already have so much resistance from so many different sides. If I were to pass a law like that, then…well, it would have a bad outcome.”

What he didn’t say was: _if I pass a law like that, then everyone will know what I really am_.

“So what? Who cares? A big chunk of the Fire Nation got angry when you demilitarized, right? But now that’s mostly passed! So even if there are bigoted assholes who feel angry about it, they’ll get over it!”

He watched as Toph sipped her tea like the conversation was completely casual and not at all loaded with hundreds of implications that Zuko, frankly, wasn’t ready to face. “Why does it have to be me? Why don’t you just ask Aang? He’s the _Avatar_.”

Toph’s eyes got that faraway look again. “Because he wouldn’t understand,” she said quietly.

Ah. “Because he isn’t like us.”

“No.” Toph shook her head, and as quickly as her sudden mood had overcome her, it dissipated with another bite of Komodo chicken. “Whether you like it or not, Zuko, the whole world is looking to you to figure out how to rebuild.”

“But you don’t even live in the Fire Nation,” Zuko said, though it sounded like more of a question than anything else. “What does it matter to you if people like us can get married if you don’t even live where it could happen? And why are you thinking about this anyway, Toph? You’re fourteen. You can’t be that serious about Caihong.”

“Because!” Toph shouted, slamming her teacup down. So much for the “calming” properties of ginseng tea. “Because if _you_ do it, then the Earth Kingdom will hopefully follow, dumbass! And no, I’m not that serious, but maybe I wanna live in a future where if I _was_ that serious, I could marry her!”

She tossed her skewer stick behind her back and began to angrily pace. “And besides, what about you? You aren’t seriously thinking about forcing yourself to marry a woman and be miserable for the rest of your life, are you?”

Actually, yes, he was thinking that. The Fire Nation needed him to produce an heir, and if he was with a man, he couldn’t do that. And besides, people were already so reluctant to accept him, thinking he’d usurped the position from his father or his sister—what would they do if he married a man?

“You’re impossible!” Toph yelled at him and flung another rock his way. “I can’t believe you’d even consider that!”

“I don’t have any other choice!” Zuko snapped back. The flames in the fire suddenly burst up, completely burning the remaining skewers. “I can’t just—”

“But you can! You _can_ make it so you do have another choice!” Toph was practically pulling her hair out trying to prove her point to him. “When I invented metalbending, I thought I had no other choice but to be trapped in that metal cage by those douchebags! I thought there was no other option, no other choice, but there was! I made one _for myself_ , and I fucking bent metal!”

If only it were that simple. Toph’s invention of metalbending was consequential only to herself in that moment—there weren’t millions of people looking to her for guidance on how to proceed with their lives. “No more fighting, please.” Zuko dropped his head into his hands. “I’m exhausted.”

“Fine! Suit yourself, jerk!”

Toph bent herself an earth tent but neglected to do the same for Zuko. She didn’t say goodnight and simply put up the door so Zuko couldn’t bother her. This trip was turning out so much worse than he’d anticipated. Why had he ever thought telling Toph would be a good idea?

* * *

Zuko was the first one up in the morning, per usual. He made tea and meditated, taking in the clean air like it was the only thing that could clear his mind. As he moved through his breathing exercises, he tried to dispel the tangled knot of emotions that had settled in his chest overnight while he slept under the stars.

He wanted to believe Toph when she said that passing the law would be simple. In a way, it would be—no one could really stop him from doing so. But choices that felt simple were never simple; he’d learned that much from his time in exile. Choosing one path, one crew member, one firebending stance over another—they were all consequential. It all mattered. And this mattered on a scale so much larger than just him and Toph.

It would be good for all the citizens who were like them, there was no question about that. But it wouldn’t ensure their proper and fair treatment. It would take time for the whole world to unlearn bigotry, just as it would take time for the Fire Nation to become a true force for peace in the world.

He sighed. If only his uncle were here to advise him. He’d know what to do. Maybe he should arrange a trip to Ba Sing Se…

“Good morning,” Toph said sleepily, like nothing had happened the night before.

“Can we not fight, please?” Zuko asked. He hated how much it sounded like begging.

“Sure. I just needed to cool off. You did too.”

Toph shuffled her weight around on her feet, no doubt trying to figure out which of their bags had food for them. Zuko rose, feeling annoyed his meditation was interrupted. “I’ll get breakfast, don’t worry.”

“Wasn’t going to,” Toph shrugged.

Back to their familiar quietness. Toph just stared off in the distance, seeing nothing, and Zuko focused on the food. A routine they both could accept.

“You still like Sokka, don’t you?” Toph finally asked, breaking the silence. Zuko nearly jumped out of his skin.

“I-I—What? He’s—I—how could you say that?!” Zuko attempted lamely, knowing how insincere and ridiculous he sounded.

Toph clicked her tongue. “You’re still a bad liar, Fire Jerk.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do about it? Sokka is with Suki. They love each other.” He passed Toph a cup of tea, not bothering to warn her it was hot as payback for her being nosy. She scowled at him and nearly dropped it when it met her hands. “It would never work between us anyway.”

“You’re hopeless, Zuko.” Toph blew on her tea. “What would your uncle say to you? Something about love always finding a way or something?”

“He’d say sometimes it’s best to keep your mouth closed out of respect.”

“Oh, please.”

After they finished breakfast, they continued their hike. They were almost near the mountaintop now, and their trip was coming to an end. Zuko felt more unsettled than well-rested, because nothing had gone how he’d imagined it would go, and now he was left to question himself _more_ than he usually did. He’d return to the Fire Nation with no one to talk to, and he’d probably do something stupid like try to pretend he was talking to one of his friends instead of a turtle duck who was just trying to swim in the pond.

Yes, he still liked Sokka. He probably even loved Sokka. He was smitten with him from the moment they’d first kissed, and had done his best to tamp those feelings down in their time apart, but they’d only seemed to grow. But no matter what he did, no matter how boring or inane or serious, he always found himself wishing Sokka was there. Not because he was a smart planner, or a good inventor, or even just for his humor, but because Zuko missed his companionship. He missed the intimacy they’d shared in his war balloon on their way to Boiling Rock, the quiet glances, the hand-squeezing, the attempt to sleep in shifts though neither could really sleep without the other. He just missed _Sokka_.

Maybe he should write him, he thought. Maybe he should just ask how he’s doing. Or maybe he could make up some excuse about him being needed in the Fire Nation so he could just see him again. Or maybe he could go to the Southern Water Tribe on a “diplomatic” visit. Or maybe—

He walked face first into Toph’s back, causing them both to stumble.

“Hey, watch it, Fire Jerk!” Toph yelled, though there was no malice in her voice. “Is your depth perception really that bad?”

“I was lost in thought.” Zuko shrugged. “If you’re lost in thought, you can’t really be responsible for bumping into things, because your mind is elsewhere.”

“Yeah, my mind is elsewhere kicking your ass right now,” Toph grumbled. She rubbed her back like it was sore.

“Toph, do you think I should see Sokka again?” he blurted out. Well, so much for keeping this idea to himself. “I’m asking you this as a friend, not because I want you to try and play matchmaker.”

“I know you miss him,” Toph huffed, “so why not invite him to see you?" She took in a deep breath. "Shit, Zuko, why are we climbing when I could just shoot us up to the top?”

“Feeling a little out of shape, are we?” Zuko teased, though he was starting to feel tired too. “Sure, why not. Give us a little rock elevator up to the peak.”

Toph raised a slab of earth from the ground then told Zuko to hold on once they started flying up. The air thinned and cooled down, and Zuko felt a little dizzy, but within seconds they were at the peak, laying on the still-dewy grass.

“It’s beautiful up here,” Zuko said without thinking. But he trusted Toph to understand what he meant.

“Lots of flowers,” she replied. “And…snow?”

“Just a little.”

“Huh.” Toph closed her eyes. “You should see Sokka again. Mostly because if I have to see you be mopey and gloomy like Mai one more time, I will seriously kick your ass.”

“And you haven’t even seen what my face looks like,” Zuko joked. “Did…did it work that time?”

“Ugh, I’m glad I can’t see your face, because I know you probably look so desperate right now,” Toph groaned.

Another comfortable silence fell over them, and Zuko felt like he could fall asleep. He hadn’t really made much sense of anything that was bothering him, but now that he had resolved to see his uncle again and maybe Sokka, he felt he could handle it.

“Thanks, Toph.”

“For what?”

“For reminding me that things can change, if I let them. Even if you are a major pain in the ass when you get that way.”

“Back atcha.”

They napped and had lunch, then Toph pleaded with Zuko to start just a _tiny_ avalanche so they could slide down the mountain instead of hiking back down.

“Think of it like a giant slide. Like the mail chutes at Omashu.” Toph elbowed him. “You know you want to, Fire Jerk. Come _onnn_. Be a kid for just five minutes.”

“Okay,” Zuko said, not knowing why he’d agreed but certain he would come to regret it.

And though he screamed the whole time and _definitely_ regretted his decision to let Toph do something stupid, he definitely did have fun. He felt more alive and happier than he had in months. Camping with Toph had done the trick, but this time, it was a life-changing field trip for him.

* * *

A few weeks later, Zuko received a messenger hawk with a confusing, messy message scribbled onto parchment. In two different scripts, it read:

 _Dear ~~Fire Jerk Dork Loser~~ _**FIRELORD ZUKO** **(please forgive me, Toph made her student write all those other things),**

 _Your presence is ~~demanded~~ _**requested** _at the Jasmine Dragon Tea Shop in Ba Sing Se by the greatest earthbender in the world, Toph, and her girlfriend, Caihong, in two weeks’ time. Your uncle has already approved your visit. No excuses_ **but if you’re too busy that’s okay**!

_P.S. I invited Sokka already and he’ll be there so you really can’t say no._

_P.P.S. and no, Suki isn’t coming with him._

_Don’t be a ~~loser~~ _**stranger**!

_From Toph (transcribed by her terrified student Lee)_ **and edited by Caihong**

Zuko couldn’t help but laugh. It seemed Toph had met her match—while Toph tended towards chaos, poor Caihong seemed determined to clean up whatever ridiculous and impolite thing Toph decided to do. He looked forward to meeting her, but not as much as he looked forward to seeing Sokka again.


	2. Return to Ba Sing Se

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko arrives in Ba Sing Se and sees Sokka for the first time in a year. Confronted with his feelings face to face, he must choose whether to act on them or to pine in silence.

The trip into Ba Sing Se was uneventful, to say the least, but Zuko couldn’t stop fidgeting, which made his guards nervous, as if he was somehow predicting the next attempt on his life. When he and his uncle had arrived in the city as refugees, he hadn’t bothered to look around or admire their surroundings—but even now, when he had all the time and security in the world to enjoy the scenery, he couldn’t focus on it. Not when he knew Sokka was so near.

What would he say to him? They hadn’t seen each other in what felt like a whole year. Sokka was always full of surprises, and given that he and Toph had arrived in the city a few days prior, Zuko was worried about what might be in store for him once he finally stepped off the train in the Upper Ring. He’d tried practicing what he’d say in front of a mirror, to the turtle-ducks in the pond, even to the portrait of his mother hanging outside his room, and none of it helped. Sokka left him speechless.

The train rumbled to a stop, and one of his guards offered his hand. “My lord.”

“Please,” Zuko said, waving it away. “I’d like this to be a vacation for you too, Jiang. And you can just call me Zuko.”

“O-of course, my l—Zuko.” Jiang looked embarrassed at this break in protocol. “Whatever you wish.”

He felt hot in his Fire Lord robes and wished he didn’t have to wear them—maybe later, he could change. They felt heavy, not just because of their fabric, but the weight of what they represented. He didn’t want to be _Fire Lord_ Zuko meeting with Sokka, just regular, dumb Zuko.

“Look who decided to show his face!” he heard Toph call from his left. Of course she’d positioned herself to the left so he wouldn’t be able to see her first. He rolled his eyes and jogged over to her.

“Well, I can’t exactly say no to the greatest earthbender in the world, can I? What kind of leader would that make me?” They bowed at each other, then Toph punched him in the arm, making his guards wince.

“You’ve gotten better with the jokes,” he heard a familiar voice say. It turned his stomach over. Sokka emerged from the shadows, somehow still growing taller, all angular and handsome and still obviously working out.

“Sokka.” He couldn’t control the goofy smile that broke out on his face. “It’s been too long.”

Sokka pulled him into a tight hug and clapped him on the back. “Hey, stranger. Too long.”

Speaking of too long—their hug seemed to last forever. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. He cast a glance to Toph for confirmation before he remembered she couldn’t see the expression on his face.

“Your uncle’s waiting for us, Fire Jerk.”

“Fire Jerk? Is that your nickname now? I like it!” Sokka clapped his hands together with delight.

“Of course you do,” Zuko grumbled in an attempt to distract from the fierce blush spreading across his face. Before Sokka could comment on it, he pushed through the tea shop doors.

He would have been a liar if he’d said he didn’t cry a little at seeing his uncle. He was so much taller than Iroh now, nearly by a full head, but he still felt so small when they hugged.

“Zuko,” Iroh said warmly. “It is good to see you.”

Zuko bowed. “I’ve missed you, Uncle.”

He looked around at the tea shop—the tea shop he had helped set up, back when it had seemed like maybe he would be stuck working at this place for the rest of his life—and noticed it was empty, save for himself and his friends, and a timid-looking girl by the window who he guessed was Caihong.

“Uncle, tell me you didn’t close this place down just for me.” Zuko sighed. “It wasn’t necessary.”

“No, Zuko, I closed this place down for _me_. I’d like to speak to my nephew without worrying about taking orders from my customers.”

Of course. Zuko smiled, relieved that it wasn’t his being the Fire Lord that had closed the shop in the middle of the day.

Toph strode confidently over to the table just past the one where the girl was sitting and stuck her arm out. “Zuko, this is my girlfriend, Caihong.”

Ah. The wooden floors. He caught Sokka’s eye and stifled a laugh, feeling a jolt of electricity when their gazes met. For a moment, it felt like his tongue went numb. “I’m Zuko,” he added, stupidly, not even looking in Caihong’s direction.

Sokka patted him on the shoulder. “I know who you are, buddy.” He withdrew his hand like Zuko had burned him.

“So close, babe,” the girl said with a smile. “I’m over here.” Caihong stood up and held out her arm for Toph to take.

Sokka was being unusually quiet, which worried Zuko—why wasn’t he making fun of Toph? Teasing her about losing her sense of direction?

And why was he leading Zuko over to the table with a hand on his back? What in the world was that about?

“Fire Lord Zuko,” Caihong said reverently. “It’s an honor to meet you.”

She bowed, but Zuko stopped her midway. “Please. Just call me Zuko. No need for the formalities.”

She nodded but still seemed uncertain over his friendliness. How Toph had managed to woo someone so full of respect, he’d never know.

They sat at the table, and his uncle handed them menus with a toothy grin, telling them it was all on the house. Zuko noticed that some baked goods had been added to the menu, and he wondered where on earth his uncle was getting them from.

“So, Sokka,” Toph said with feigned casualty. “How’s Suki?”

Zuko kicked her under the table, knowing she wouldn’t be able to see his frown. Sokka immediately lit up at the mention of his girlfriend’s name, so Zuko threw a moody glance towards the window.

“She’s great!” Sokka exclaimed. “Now that Kyoshi Island is mostly rebuilt, she’s helping train so many new warriors. She’s been studying a lot of Kyoshi’s old stuff, too, and learning about some new forms. It’s really cool.”

“She sounds busy,” Caihong replied, oblivious to the silent war Zuko and Toph were waging with their feet. Toph had leaned all her weight on his toes in retaliation for the kick, and though she didn’t weigh very much, it still hurt like a bitch.

“I wish I could see her more.” Sokka sounded so dreamy and far away. Ugh. Why did Zuko ever agree to do this in the first place? Sokka was obviously happy with Suki, and there was no chance for whatever had happened between them to happen again.

“Do you _miiiiss_ her?” Toph asked, barely containing her mirth. Zuko kicked her again, harder, to which she hissed, “ow!”

“Of course I miss my girlfriend.” How polite of Sokka to ignore Toph mocking him.

Before he could go into more detail, Iroh swooped over to their table, thankfully, to take their orders. Zuko felt relieved that somehow his uncle knew his discomfort was rising with each word Sokka spoke.

After they’d decided what they wanted, Toph rested her head on Caihong’s shoulder while they waited. Zuko zoned out, watching the two of them, jealousy creeping through his mind. He could never be like that. It could never be that easy for him.

“Hey, jerk, I’m talking to you!” Sokka interrupted his thoughts. “Are you okay?”

“Long journey,” Zuko replied. It was a terrible lie, and he knew it. “Sorry. What did you want?”

“I was asking if we were going to see you with a nice Fire _Lady_ soon.” He waggled his eyebrows, which looked like two caterpillars spasming.

Zuko felt his face heat up. He didn’t want to be angry. Really, he didn’t. Sokka was stupid and sometimes said things without thinking. But really, after what had happened between them, Sokka was still asking if there was a _girl_ in Zuko’s life? Maybe it had meant even less to him than Zuko had thought.

“Mai and I broke up, if that’s what you’re asking.” Zuko stiffened as he scanned the room for his uncle, desperate for anything to change the topic.

Sokka made an appropriately sad face before grinning and saying, “That’s rough, buddy.”

Zuko wished more than anything that Toph could see the expression on his face right now. She had no idea how many daggers he was throwing her way. Caihong was watching the back and forth between Zuko and Sokka with bewilderment. She looked to Toph for clarification, but Toph provided none.

“Room for one more?” Finally! Uncle! Zuko hoped he could see the gratitude in his eyes.

“Always,” Toph smiled.

Zuko helped his uncle distribute the cups and tea around the table before pulling over a chair for him to join them. Iroh sat down with some difficulty, which worried Zuko.

“Uncle, are your joints bothering you?” he asked.

“No more than usual. It is simply a part of getting old.”

Zuko _tsk_ ed. “I’ll write Katara and ask if she has time to give you a healing session.”

Sokka made a face. “Eugh, if she’s not too busy making out with Aang like, _all_ the time. It’s so gross. It’s like, I’m _trying_ help rebuild our tribe, and I know she’s dating the Avatar, but if I catch them sneaking around one more time, I’m gonna go nuts!”

Iroh just smiled. “Young love.” He patted Toph’s hand, and Toph blushed a little. “Caihong, Toph tells me you work in a tea shop. What do you think of my tea?”

The expression on Caihong’s face was exactly what Zuko expected: one of awe and reverence over the best tea she’d ever had.

“It’s the best I’ve ever had,” she confirmed. “I only wish I could make it like you.”

“I could teach you sometime,” Iroh offered. “Or Zuko. I taught him everything I know.”

Caihong turned to him. Her face was sweet and soft, without a hint of the mischief that seemed to line Toph’s face these days. But there was something in her eyes that seemed tired and worried, and he wondered what the war had put her through.

“You used to work here?” she asked.

“Yeah, when my uncle and I were refugees from the Fire Nation.” Upon seeing her confusion, he added, “It’s a long story.”

“I still can’t believe you were under our noses that whole time.” Sokka shook his head. “I mean, to be fair, we were more worried about your crazy sister and the Dai Li, but to think you were just out here, serving tea…”

Caihong sighed. “Toph, you have to tell me more about your crazy adventures!”

Toph smacked a kiss on her cheek. “But if I tell you them all right away, then you’ll get bored of me.”

Blushing, Caihong replied, “Never.”

Zuko looked away, trying to tamp down his jealousy. It felt almost mean-spirited of Toph to be rubbing her relationship in his face while he was sitting next to the guy he was hopelessly in love with who definitely did not feel the same way. But perhaps it was mean-spirited of him to be feeling so jealous of his friend’s happiness; after all, didn’t Toph deserve to feel loved?

Uncle yawned. “It is time for my afternoon nap, I think. Come by my house for dinner—some of my friends are very excited to meet you all.”

Toph yawned back. “Iroh, you’ve got the right idea about life.”

“At my age, I should hope so.”

It hit him in that moment how much he had truly missed his uncle. Regardless of his status as the Fire Lord, he still felt so young and inexperienced. He still needed guidance and advice. And, more importantly, he still _wanted_ guidance and advice, unlike years ago when they’d been traveling the world.

As the chatter died down and they all began to rise from their seats, Zuko caught his uncle by the arm. “I won’t disturb your nap, but can I come by before dinner?”

“You are welcome any time, my nephew.” Iroh hugged him again, and said quietly, “How I’ve missed you.”

Zuko swallowed the lump in his throat. _I know_ , he thought, but he said nothing out of fear that he’d start crying.

* * *

Even though Zuko would have preferred staying with his uncle, the Earth King insisted that the “heroes” stay in the Upper Ring near the palace in one of their opulent guest houses. Toph and Sokka were clearly thrilled to be staying somewhere so nice. In the end, they’d all napped, though Zuko woke early and felt restless.

He’d slipped into some of the Earth Kingdom clothing that had been provided to them, even though it was still pretty gaudy for his tastes. He grabbed his cloak and raised the hood. It reminded him of all the times he’d snuck out to see his uncle in prison, only to yell at him and blame him for all of his problems.

Not a great memory.

“Jiang,” he said, which startled the man who’d been standing guard outside his door. “I’m going to see my uncle. There’s no need to follow me. Please, take the night off. You’ve earned it.”

“But my l—Zuko, what if—”

“I’m capable of defending myself,” Zuko insisted. He hoped he sounded reassuring. “There’s no reason for you to just stand around and wait. Go out dancing or something. Here.” He fished some gold pieces out of his pockets. “Go nuts.”

After some gentle chiding on Zuko’s part, Jiang reluctantly agreed to take the night off, and Zuko was alone again, wandering the streets of the Upper Ring to find his uncle’s apartment. He knew where it was, but he was relishing the anonymity his cloak had granted him, the simple opportunity to be nothing more than someone out in a big city.

He didn’t even have to knock on his uncle’s door; Iroh seemed to know he was there.

“Come in, Zuko,” he said warmly.

The apartment was mostly as Zuko had remembered it, though it was filled with more trinkets and souvenirs that his uncle had been collecting now that he wasn’t constantly on the move. The door to the guest room was ajar, and Zuko felt sad he wouldn’t be staying there this evening—it seemed his uncle had prepared it for him.

“Earlier I sensed you were feeling troubled, my nephew, so I made us some ginseng tea.”

Zuko laughed and sat down across from Iroh. “You know, I tried to calm Toph down with some ginseng tea, and it seemed to have the opposite effect on her.”

Iroh shook his head. “You must have made it wrong, then. It seems you still have much to learn about the art of making tea.”

He wanted to laugh normally with his uncle, to banter back, but his heart was so heavy over Sokka and his own confusion that he couldn’t. Like usual, his uncle just sat back and waited for whatever torrent of thoughts Zuko was about to pour out.

“Uncle, I—” Zuko tried, but the words were lost in his throat. “I wish you could come live with me in the Fire Nation.” It surprised him that this was what came out instead. “I know it’s selfish of me, but—I miss you. I still need your guidance.”

He stopped when his voice broke. Looking down at his lap, he rested his head in his hands, trying to stop tears from falling.

“My nephew.” Iroh’s voice sounded so fond, so familiar. “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown. A young man sits before me today.”

“Maybe so.” Zuko sniffled. “And maybe I’m less troubled and conflicted than I was years ago, but—you’re my only family, Uncle.”

The unspoken words— _you’re the only real parent I’ve ever had_ —hung in the air. Zuko knew Iroh would know what he meant, what he wanted to say.

“And I miss you every day, Zuko. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.” He watched as his uncle’s gaze wandered over to the portrait of Lu Ten he’d hung on the wall. “I’m so proud of you and the leader you’ve become.”

The hint of sorrow in his voice finally broke Zuko, those notes of wondering what could have been, and tears streaked down the right side of his face.

“I still feel so confused,” Zuko said through sharp intakes of air. “And I’m so lonely, all the time, even though I’m surrounded by people all day.”

Iroh nodded and sipped his tea. He reached out and pulled Zuko’s hands away from his face. His uncle’s rough, calloused hands held onto Zuko’s with the same tenderness that he held his precious teapots.

“Zuko, please look at me.” Iroh’s eyes shone with tears. “I love you more than you possibly know. And nothing will change that.”

So he did know, then, why Zuko had come over, or at least had a suspicion, anyway. It only made Zuko cry more, and he wished he could stop.

“There is nothing wrong with tears,” Iroh added, as if he could read Zuko’s mind. “Sorrow is a natural part of our lives.”

They sat quietly after that. Zuko calmed down once he felt his uncle start to gently rub circles on his back like he used to when Zuko was sick. He stroked Zuko’s hair and put each stray strand back in its place.

“I can’t be this way and be the Fire Lord,” Zuko finally whispered out.

“Says who?” Iroh asked. He sounded so much like Toph it made Zuko laugh a little. “The Fire Nation has entered a new era. Change is a natural part of that.”

“I mean that I can’t be this way _publicly_ and be the Fire Lord. I don’t want—” a noise of frustration escaped his lips. “I can’t even say it to you! Toph can say it all day long, and she even told you about herself before me! _Me_!”

“You don’t need to say it for me. I already know.” His uncle stopped and turned Zuko to face him. “You need to say it for you.”

“I—I—”

Zuko thought he might throw up (so much for that ginseng tea). He had to say it, to admit it, to acknowledge it, in the same way he had to admit and acknowledge that his father had never loved him and had actually just abused him. But admitting he was a victim was so much easier than admitting who he really was.

“I’m in love with Sokka,” he blurted out. Again, unexpected, and not quite on the right track.

“Oh,” Iroh said. He paused to think for a moment. “Well, good choice. He is handsome and brave. Maybe a little stupid sometimes, but perhaps that’s how you like them.”

Zuko ignored that comment. “But he’s also in a relationship _with a girl_ and definitely not into me!” He growled in frustration.

“You are young, Zuko. You have much of your life ahead of you. There are so many people you can still meet.”

He swallowed hard. “Not people, Uncle. Just men.” He paused. “I…only like men.”

Iroh wrapped him up in a hug then, and for the second time that day, Zuko felt awash in his own tears. He didn’t feel different after saying the words, per se, but he felt a little lighter. Like he had more direction, more clarity. His uncle had always helped remind him of who he really was at heart, no matter how tumultuous or uncertain Zuko was feeling.

Toph and his uncle were right. If he wanted to change things, he would have to do it himself. For the countless other men who lost sleep at night with worry and fear about anyone finding out, for all the young couples who had to keep their love a secret.

And for himself. He’d lived a lie before and it had nearly killed him. The only person he was hiding from was himself.

* * *

Dinner was uneventful but fairly boisterous, what with Toph being slightly tipsy and all of his uncle’s Pai Sho buddies joining them for the meal. Only he and Sokka seemed reserved, though Zuko wondered if anyone else had picked up on it. Toph and Caihong were too busy being adorable and affectionate, and his uncle was distracted by being the perfect host, and his uncle’s friends were more interested in letting the Fire Lord know all their grievances with the state of the world.

Back in his bedroom for the night, Zuko lit a candle and pulled out the parchment and ink he’d borrowed from his uncle earlier. He wasn’t entirely sure how to draft a law that sounded official, but he did know how to draft a speech, so that was where he began.

_People of the Fire Nation. As your Fire Lord, I have worked to undo the hundred years’ worth of damage our nation has wrought upon the rest of the world, and to our own people. My great-grandfather Sozin built his empire on fear and hatred, determined to make his citizens as narrow-minded as himself._

_We acknowledge now the lies we were taught or taught to our children about firebending being the most superior form of bending. We tried to kill off all other types of benders—and we almost succeeded, had the Avatar not survived. I don’t need to say that it was wrong, because we all should know by now that it was. We should seek to keep our world diverse, respecting all the qualities and differences the other nations bring into our lives._

_But that hatred, our false sense of superiority that was drilled into this nation extended past bending. My great-grandfather codified bigotry when he banned all same-sex relationships. We were once a tolerant nation, and he destroyed that._

_In seeking to undo damage, I cannot change the past. I cannot change the countless men and women who had to hide their true selves to survive. But as Fire Lord, I have the power to change that going forward. From this point on, same-sex relationships will not be forbidden, and marriages between two men and two women are permitted and fully legal in the eyes of this government._

_I say this because I myself am_

“What’re you writing?”

Sokka.

“Sneaking up on me, huh?” Zuko hastily rolled up the paper. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Sokka leaned up against the wall, so casual, his muscles appearing taut like he was flexing them. “Not really. Even though the Dai Li aren’t here anymore, this place still gives me the creeps.”

Zuko studied his friend, allowed himself a moment to enjoy how handsome he was before guiltily looking away. “Why don’t we go for a walk, then? I’m not tired either.”

“Lead the way, your fieriness.” Sokka made a grand sweeping gesture towards the door, and Zuko rolled his eyes. Even when he was being annoying, he was still adorable.

The Upper Ring was eerie at night. The giant houses loomed over the streets and cast equally giant shadows. The people who lived here thought themselves far too important to be bothered with socializing long into the night, so none of the shops were open, either.

Zuko longed to grab Sokka’s hand in his, to remember what it felt like when it seemed like the world was just the two of them. If he closed his eyes and pretended, the world _did_ feel like it was just the two of them again—but it could never be the two of them in the way he wanted.

“You’re quiet tonight,” Sokka remarked.

“I could say the same about you.” Zuko tried to smile. “What, have you run out of ideas? No more schemes or shopping trips to drag me on?”

“I guess not.” Sokka hesitated and almost tripped over the uneven path. “You just seem kinda preoccupied. And as much as I want to mess with you, if it’s about some big ‘state of the world’ thing…”

Zuko chuckled. “You’ve grown up.”

Sokka stuck his tongue out, and Zuko sighed.

“But not matured.”

“Never,” Sokka replied with faux-indignity.

They continued to walk in silence, and Zuko wondered what was bothering Sokka so much all day that he wasn’t incessantly chattering. Not that he would’ve cared; even if it was just one of Sokka’s roundabout, circuitous stories, he would’ve listened like his life depended on it.

Fuck, this was going to be hard.

How was he supposed to move on from Sokka when he still felt this way? When his whole world felt dim and boring, all he could think about was the gangly Water Tribesman and his stupid jokes and his love of matching belts and bags and his determination and all the other things about him that made Zuko smile. His uncle had once told him that water was the element of change; that was true of Katara, certainly, but Sokka was as solid as the earth below their feet. Reliable. Stable. Predictable in all his unpredictability.

When they’d needed a plan, they’d all turned to Sokka. When they’d needed a morale boost, they’d all turned to Sokka. When Zuko wanted to spar, he turned to Sokka. And when Zuko had felt most alone, there was no one else he wanted to turn to but Sokka.

He was shaken out of his reverie when he noticed the reflection of the moon in a pond nearby. They’d wandered into a private garden, it seemed, but there were no lights on in the house it was adjacent to.

It was beautifully landscaped; he could tell as much, even in the dark. The soft aroma of flowers drifted in the breeze, and a cherry tree blossomed near the edge of the water. It was breathtaking and peaceful at the same time.

“Wow,” was all Sokka said. Zuko just nodded.

They sat down on the bridge over the pond, Sokka dangling his legs over the edge. He was staring up at the moon.

“You miss her,” Zuko said quietly. _Like I’ve missed you_ , he wanted to add.

“Always have, always will.”

And maybe kind Yue was giving him a boost, because Zuko suddenly felt bold. “But she’s not what’s been distracting you today.”

Sokka sighed and tried to laugh it off. “Me? Distracted? Only by you being distracted. So you’re being distracted by my distraction over _your_ distraction.”

“Flawless logic,” Zuko deadpanned.

They were sitting so close. Their hands were almost touching. Zuko wanted to reach out, wanted to kiss Sokka until he forgot his own name, wanted to lay here under the stars with him forever, owners of the garden be damned.

“I think we need to talk about it,” Zuko finally managed out.

Sokka shifted uncomfortably and turned away from him. “Talk about what?”

“You’re not _that_ stupid, Sokka. Come on.”

“Why would we need to talk about it? I don’t think we need to. It’s over.” Sokka hesitated.

_“Isn’t it?”_ Zuko wanted to supply, but Sokka seemed lost in his own thoughts again.

Instead, he offered, “We’re friends.”

“Of course we are.”

“So we should be able to talk about it like friends.” Zuko sighed. “Whatever your feelings were—are—about what happened between us—it’s different for me. It wasn’t just about convenience and being lonely.”

Sokka’s hands fidgeted in his lap, and Zuko resisted the urge to hold them still. “I know it wasn’t.”

“You only confirmed what I already knew for a long time,” Zuko continued. “That I was—am—I like men. And only men.”

“I know.”

For some reason, this bothered Zuko. “What do you mean, ‘ _I know_ ’? How could you have known?” He’d spent hours upon hours agonizing over this moment, only for Sokka to shrug it off!

“Because I was the one kissing you, dumbass.”

“So all this time—you knew—and yet you _still_ won’t talk about it?” Zuko stood up in frustration. “You knew, and you asked me whether or not I had a fucking girlfriend? What the _hell_ , Sokka?!”

“I know that was stupid, okay?!” Sokka snapped, finally looking in his direction. “I’m sorry! I just—I didn’t know if Toph knew, or your uncle knew—”

“That’s not why you asked and you know it.” Zuko drew in a shaky breath, suddenly wishing the footbridge had railings for him to hold onto. “You wanted to know if I’d returned to normal. That I wasn’t _this way_ any longer.”

“You being this way _is_ normal, Zuko! It’s fine! I don’t care!” Now Sokka was on his feet, dangerously close to Zuko’s face. He’d jabbed a pointed finger into his chest.

“You do care! It bothers you!” Zuko was shouting now. He didn’t care whether the owners of the house would wake up from the noise. He grabbed Sokka’s accusatory hand in his. “You can’t even stand to fucking look at me! Don’t think I haven’t noticed!”

Sokka ripped his hand away, which only annoyed Zuko more. “And like this now! You won’t touch me, but earlier today you were all over me! What’s your problem?!”

It seemed that, for once, Sokka was speechless. It only fueled Zuko’s anger more, and he began to pace across the bridge. It was a wonder he wasn’t breathing fire at the moment.

“I tried to ignore it, you know! I tried! But I fucking _missed_ you, Sokka! And I sit around all alone and all I can think about is you and your stupid face and how much I wish I could kiss you again!” He whirled around. “Maybe that isn’t what you wanted to hear, or maybe it’s exactly what you expected to hear. I don’t care. I don’t give a shit anymore. I get it, you love Suki, and maybe you just go around kissing guys for fun and—”

“Will you shut up for one fucking second, Zuko? Spirits!” Sokka cried. They were toe to toe again, and Zuko noticed, belatedly, that Sokka was just slightly taller than him, and _fuck_ that was hot, and—

“You wanna know what’s bothering me? Fine. Because Suki and I can’t really see each other all the time, we decided to try something else. We’re still together, but we can see other people. You know, an open relationship type deal. But I’ve never acted on it. So all day today, I’ve been thinking about how I could kiss you and not feel like I’m betraying Suki, even though we agreed that this kind of thing was fine!”

Zuko was stunned into silence. An open relationship? Sokka…had been thinking about kissing him too?

“I’m new at this, and I love Suki, but I also lo— _care_ about you, and my heart knows I can feel that way about two people at once but my brain is just like, ‘Whaaa?’ so I’ve been an idiot all day, and—”

Zuko couldn’t take it anymore. He surged forward, grabbing Sokka’s collar in his hands, pressing their lips together like he’d longed to do over the past year and a half. Sokka leaned in to the kiss, opening his mouth hungrily, sloppily shoving his tongue towards Zuko’s throat. He didn’t care. He wanted it, _needed_ this.

“Wait,” Sokka said. He was breathless as he pulled away. “Are we sure about this? Is this—I mean, you and I—is it a good idea?”

“You know how I feel.” Zuko raised a hand to his own face and was surprised at how hot it was. How hot he had gotten from just a few moments kissing Sokka. “I-It’s up to you. If you don’t want—if you feel like you’re cheating on Suki somehow—I won’t pressure you.”

Sokka’s blue eyes bore into Zuko’s. A hungry, ravenous look crossed his face, the same way he’d looked when they’d planned battle strategies. “How quickly can we get back to your room?”

* * *

They’d sprinted back, holding hands, laughing like two teenagers were supposed to. Zuko didn’t care about anything else in that moment. He didn’t even care that they’d probably woken Toph and Caihong when they’d crashed through the front door and stumbled into Zuko’s room (though he was thankful that the floors were wooden, at least).

Sokka was pulling his shirt over his head the moment Zuko shut the door behind them. He reached out and pulled off Zuko’s, peppering kisses along his neck and jawline as he fumbled to throw the tunic out of their way. Zuko moaned at his touch.

Zuko’s hands found their way up to Sokka’s hair, which was freshly shaved on the sides. He pulled at Sokka’s wolf-tail so it would come loose, at which point Sokka yanked Zuko’s hair down from its bun. He tugged at Zuko’s hair a little, then whispered in a thick voice, “You like that, huh?”

Zuko could only produce a strangled groan as a response. “Get on the bed now,” he rasped.

When he and Sokka had messed around before, Sokka was gentle. Timid. So was Zuko, because he knew what they were doing was fragile and delicate. This time, though, Sokka was insatiable, climbing on top of Zuko in seconds once they’d hit the mattress.

“Let me be on top,” Zuko whined, though his heart wasn’t really in it. This side of Sokka was intoxicating.

“You’re already the Fire Lord, dork, you can handle being on the bottom for a second.” Sokka pulled away momentarily and grinned. “Besides, I can tell you like it.”

Now it was Zuko’s turn to lunge forward, flipping Sokka over and pressing him up against the headboard, thrusting his knee into his groin, knowing full well it would drive him crazy. Which it did, because Sokka was nearly putty in his hands for a moment. As Zuko kissed down Sokka’s chest, he paused with what he hoped was a grin that mirrored Sokka’s own.

“You know something stupid?” he panted out. “You’re still the most handsome man I’ve ever fucking seen.”

Sokka laughed and pulled Zuko up by his hair to plant a sloppy kiss on him. “You’re such a dork, dude.”

Zuko snorted. “Great dirty talk, Sokka.”

And then Sokka was on him again, and it seemed like that night, that moment, could have stretched on infinitely. No matter how many times he swore he and Sokka were done, insisted he was now finally tired, he couldn’t resist more, more, more. Even when they were both slick with sweat and the room stunk of sex, even when both of them were aching because of the piss-poor planning on their part (first time with a dude with no oil or lotion? Great idea!), Zuko felt like he had more of himself to give, and Sokka reciprocated in kind.

When they finally were exhausted, Sokka wrapped his arms around Zuko, still panting.

“You’re bigger than me now,” Zuko mumbled, “so it’s less weird when you hold me.”

Sokka kissed his temple. “It wasn’t weird when I held you then and it isn’t weird now. I didn’t do it to make you feel small; I did it because I wanted you to feel safe.”

And in Sokka’s arms, he couldn’t have felt safer. His father and sister and the New Ozai Society could have burst in the room at that moment and he wouldn’t have given a shit. The whole _world_ could have burst in and he’d feel nothing but happiness, the calm and content lull of the familiarity of someone you loved.

Zuko took Sokka’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers. “Don’t let go.”

Sokka pulled the sheets around them in tighter. He nuzzled his face in the crook between Zuko’s neck and shoulder. “I’m staying right here. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So! The reason this chapter took me so long is because it actually was originally much longer than this (16K words/50 pages total). I decided to split it in two, so there will be a third chapter of this story. I hope you all enjoy, and as always, please leave a comment or message me on Tumblr @ thelesbiansfromnextdoor!


	3. A Step Towards the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he wakes up next to Sokka, Zuko knows it's time to plan for the future he never knew he could have.

When the sun rose, Zuko woke up and stared at the light streaming through the curtains. He felt dimly aware that something was different and wondered what it was until Sokka rolled over in his sleep.

Oh. Right.

Of course Zuko was happy. He was thrilled! But he realized that they’d both have to face Toph and Caihong and his uncle and he’d probably have to explain to his guards that yes, Sokka was welcome to Zuko’s room at any time. And Sokka would probably have to decide whether being in an open relationship with Suki was really something he felt he could do or if he wasn’t cut out for it and would tell Zuko that it was nice, but it was over. That they were never really meant to last longer than the few stolen moments they’d had together.

He tried not to get ahead of himself.

Instead, he wrapped up Sokka in his arms and took deep breaths, finding he was drifting back to sleep. Sokka hummed happily and pulled Zuko’s arms around him tighter, and Zuko happily obliged.

He couldn’t have been out for more than an hour when Toph burst into the room, followed by Caihong, who was loudly telling Toph it was a bad idea to go in there (probably in an attempt to warn Zuko and Sokka. He’d have to thank her later).

“Ugh,” Sokka hissed and pulled a pillow over his head. “We’re not saving the world anymore; can we _please_ sleep in?”

Based on how bright the room had gotten, it was probably near mid-day. Zuko never slept this late.

“Zuko, have you seen Sokka?” Toph asked. Before he could fire off an angry retort, he remembered: _wooden floors_.

He shot a look at Caihong, who mimed zipping her lips. He nodded and gave her a tiny bow. He liked this girl, he decided.

“Uh, no, I haven’t.” He clapped a hand over Sokka’s mouth before Sokka could indignantly inform her that he was right there, gesturing at the wooden floors to remind him of their tiny stroke of luck. “Maybe he went out for breakfast. You know he loves food.”

Toph wrinkled her nose. “It stinks in here. What the hell were you even doing last night?”

Sokka began to giggle, and Zuko loudly said, “Working out,” to cover up the noise.

“Whatever. I will never understand the appeal of boys.” Toph looped her arm through Caihong’s. “Wake up and take a fucking shower, will you? Your uncle is expecting us.”

As soon as he was certain Toph was out of earshot, he took his hand off of Sokka’s mouth, who promptly burst into laughter.

“‘ _Working out_ ’? It smells like sex in here cuz you were _working out_?”

Zuko playfully shoved Sokka. “And what would you have said, genius?”

“Hmm.” Sokka slowly moved his hands up into Zuko’s hair. “That you were having fun.”

“Yeah? Doing what?” Zuko asked, though whatever thoughts he had dissipated the second Sokka began to kiss his neck.

As much as he wanted to stay, he knew they had to get dressed soon or they’d really be in trouble. He pecked a kiss on Sokka’s nose. “Not now. How quickly can you shower?”

They both raced to see who could get ready faster, shoving each other in and out of the water and throwing soap bubbles in each other’s faces. It felt so normal, so…like this was the life Zuko never got to lead.

Sokka was trying to fix his hair in the mirror when he said, “Ah, shit.”

“What’s the matter?” Zuko was also trying to fix his hair, though he was getting distracted by the way Sokka’s muscles were straining against his shirt.

“You gave me a ton of hickeys, dude!” Sokka clicked his tongue when he looked Zuko over. “And I gave you a ton, too!”

“So? You think my uncle will really ask us how we got them? Or Caihong? She totally covered for us this morning.”

“But Toph—” Sokka began, and Zuko shut him up with a kiss.

“—is blind.”

Relief flooded Sokka’s face, and he burst into uncontrollable laughter. “I can’t believe I forgot Toph is blind.” He slapped his palm onto his forehead. “Fucking _duh_!”

Zuko grabbed Sokka’s hand and pulled him towards the doorway. “She may be blind, but you know she can tell time, and if we don’t get our asses to my uncle’s tea shop in the next five minutes, she will demolish us.”

* * *

“I found Sokka!” Zuko called out to Toph with a wave.

“Yeah? Where was he?” Toph still seemed to suspect something was up.

“In the market—” Zuko began at the same time that Sokka said, “in the showers.”

“Damn it, Sokka, we were so close,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

“Closer than she’d ever guess.”

He shoved Sokka and tried not to blush.

“So you found Sokka…taking a shower in the marketplace?”

“…yes?”

“It _is_ summer, you know. I wish I could go swimming.” Sokka flashed another gigantic grin that Toph couldn’t see, and it was Zuko’s turn to slap his palm against his face.

“What’d you and Caihong do last night?” Zuko asked, hoping his desperation to change the subject wasn’t obvious.

As Toph blathered on about some show they went to go see, they entered the Jasmine Dragon, which was now, thankfully, full of customers. He spotted Iroh near the cash register chatting with an elderly lady—probably a regular. Zuko shot a pointed look at Sokka to just _keep his mouth shut_ for one second and weaved through the crowded room towards his uncle.

“You’re very busy. Need some help?” Anything to get away from Toph, who would probably chuck rocks at him until he told her the truth of what had happened the night before.

Iroh shook his head. “No, Caihong already offered, but I told her the same thing. You should all be relaxing. You do nothing but work every day.” He clapped a hand on Toph’s shoulder. “She’s a keeper, you know.”

Toph blushed. “Yeah, I guess I like her or something.”

They all squeezed in to the cramped corner table Caihong had managed to grab them moments earlier. Sokka’s knee bounced against Zuko’s, and it was very distracting.

“What’s the plan for today, Toph?” Zuko asked.

“What’re you asking me for? Sokka’s the plan guy, not me.”

Sokka rubbed his hands together with glee. “ _Well_ , since you asked, I think we’re all due for a nice trip to the marketplace. My bag is completely clashing with this outfit and it’s a disgrace. Then, we can go play with Bosco—I had to pull a few strings to get the Earth King to agree—and we can finish the night up with a very nice Earthbending Rumble I recall hearing about…”

Toph leaned forward in her seat. “Are the entries still open?”

“They most certainly are. I think the world is ready for the grand reappearance of the Blind Bandit.”

Zuko chuckled to himself. He’d never seen Toph in action at any of the many, many championships she’d won, and while he did feel interested in seeing her demolish one narcissistic earthbender after another, he’d also hoped that maybe he and Sokka could spar (among other things) for a little bit.

“I’ve never seen you fight.” Caihong’s voice was brimming with excitement. She turned to Sokka and Zuko and added, “She never lets me come to see her at school.”

“Only because it’d distract my already easily-distractible students!” Toph leaned back in her chair with satisfaction. “Besides, this is gonna be _so_ much better than watching me kick a bunch of scrawny kids’ butts. I mean, you already watched me tackle Sokka yesterday, and that’s about as good as it gets with them.”

“Hey!” Sokka cried. “I am a _warrior_! I am a _master swordsman_!”

“So humble,” Zuko deadpanned.

As Toph and Sokka debated who would win in a fight between them—and as much as Zuko loved Sokka, he knew he’d never stand a chance against Toph’s skill—they placed an order for tea and one of the baked goods his uncle apparently now sold. He stole glances over at his friend, his stomach turning every time he saw a sign on his gorgeous skin of their night together. A bruise there, a scratch under it, a hickey nearby; the night they’d shared had been _real_ , so deliriously wonderful and _real_ , and Zuko never wanted to go another night without him again. If only because he slept better with Sokka around.

Funny how things work out.

When their orders arrived, Zuko only needed to look at the baked good to know his uncle had tried very, very hard at making it palatable and appetizing, but it was clearly burnt and overdone. Iroh turned his back on their table for just a moment, and Zuko shoved the hard dough inside his sleeve to spare his uncle’s feelings.

And soon they were all rising, Sokka energetically leading them outside towards the marketplace, but Caihong was clutching at her forehead once they were in the sun.

“Are you alright?” he asked her. She looked pale.

“Yes, I’m fine. I just—I sometimes get these headaches, and I never know when one’s going to come on.”

He gently took her arm and called out to Sokka and Toph. “Hey, Caihong’s not feeling well, so I’m going to stay behind. You two go sign up for the earthbending match and buy whatever ridiculous trinkets Sokka doesn’t need, we’ll see you later!”

“Caihong, are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Toph called, after slugging Sokka’s arm.

“Go have fun!” she replied with a wave of her hand. “Please, don’t worry. It seems I’m in good hands.”

Toph hesitated for a moment, then turned on her heel and dragged Sokka behind her. Never one to let a small change of plans ruin his shopping experience, it took only seconds for him to catch up.

Zuko led Caihong back to their quarters and sent Jiang to fetch a particular tea from his uncle. While she laid down on the couch, he set a small fire to heat up the teapot. The brick-solid cookie Zuko had stashed in his sleeve fell out onto the counter, and he tossed it in the trash (but he felt a little bad about it).

“Are you really alright? How long has this been going on?”

She sighed. “Years. When I was younger and our village was occupied by the Fire Nation, I…”

At her hesitation, Zuko faced her. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

A soft smile. “I know it’s not your fault.” She started to massage her temples. “Anyway, when my father and brother were sent off to a prison camp, I tried to fight back against the soldiers who came to take them away. I was so young, hardly a threat, but they were still ruthless and struck me hard on the head. I was in bed for weeks afterwards because I was constantly dizzy and in pain. Now it’s not so bad, but every so often, it just…reappears.”

“Like a bad memory.” Zuko knew the feeling all too well; his scar would sometimes get too hot, the skin stretched too tightly across his face, and the excruciating pain of that day would come flashing back to him.

Jiang returned with the tea, and he quickly brought Caihong a cup. He sat next to her on the couch. “This should help relieve the tension you’re feeling.”

After taking a sip, she smiled up at him. “Your uncle did teach you well.”

“I owe him my life, I think.” Zuko couldn’t help but chuckle. “And you, too, for covering for us this morning.”

She laughed, and it was such a sweet sound, like a gentle melody being played on a flute. “You should’ve seen your faces. Toph spent all last night talking about how she just _knew_ you and Sokka would just have to reconnect. She was right, of course, but I thought you’d probably prefer to tell her on your own time.”

“Very perceptive.” A goofy grin, not unlike one of Sokka’s, spread across his lips. “We had a nice night.”

With a snort, she muttered, “I could tell.”

She began to sit back up, but Zuko gently pushed her back down. “Just rest for now. The tea takes a bit to go into effect.” She rolled her eyes at him, but there was no malice in the gesture.

“Yes, Doctor Zuko.”

“I suppose I had some ulterior motives wanting to stay back with you—of course to make sure you were okay, but to thank you in private for letting me and Sokka decide how we want to tell Toph.” He laughed again. “And, I guess, to try and pull the threatening big-brother-‘what are your intentions with my sort-of sister’-act, but I know I couldn’t possibly intimidate you after you saw us in bed this morning.”

“She thinks of you that way.” At his confused glance, she continued, “As an older brother. She’s never said it that way to me, but she loves you like family, Zuko. Even before she asked me out when she got back from your trip, she’d always mention you when she came to get tea.”

He remembered just weeks earlier when he’d taken her swimming, how natural it felt, so different from his childhood with Azula. How warm and comforting it had been to keep Toph’s company, even when neither said a word. “I feel the same about her. When she told me about you, I guess I was…well, I wouldn’t say _wary_ , just worried she’d set her sights on someone who couldn’t handle her. But I see now that was silly.”

Caihong snorted with laughter and closed her eyes. “I can handle her just fine. She’s not too much for me. She’s…she’s just _enough_ , just the perfect amount of what I was looking for. Or didn’t know I was looking for, really, until I met her.”

She finished her tea, and Zuko took the dishes back to their sink. If anyone had told him two years ago how he would come to feel about Sokka, he would’ve punched their lights out and stormed off. But it was just as Caihong said—he didn’t know what he was looking for until he found it in Sokka. Safety, reliability, stability…of course, Zuko felt that way about his uncle, but he hadn’t realized he’d been yearning for something beyond family all those years.

“I can tell you care about him.” Caihong had draped her arm over her eyes and was taking in meditative breaths. “I mean, obviously, but even before last night, when I saw you two together for the first time at your uncle’s. Do you know you always position yourself so he’ll be to your right, even if it means everyone else will be on your left and out of sight?”

Spirits, he had it worse than he thought if Caihong had picked up on that within moments of meeting him. “Toph told you I was partially blind.”

“Oh, she tells me everything,” Caihong replied dismissively. “I probably would’ve noticed on my own, anyway, because you always squint when you have to look over to your left.”

“You know, I’ll trade you some tea-making lessons if you’ll teach me how to pay attention to those little details. It’ll give me something to do during every boring meeting I have to sit through.”

Memories of the volleyball game he’d played with Azula on Ember Island returned to him suddenly. Azula had picked up almost instinctively on the other players’ weaknesses, knowing so much from the tiniest hesitation of a foot or a hand. She scoped out everyone the same way she did her enemies: ruthlessly, with no desire for mercy. So different from Caihong, who seemed to want to quietly observe and nothing more.

“You’ve got a deal.” With a yawn, Caihong asked, “Is this tea supposed to make you sleepy?”

Even though Zuko saw no appeal in women, he could still appreciate how beautiful Caihong was. He wished Toph could see her girlfriend, really and truly, because even when she was tired and in pain, she looked serene, like she’d just stepped out of a painting. Her nose crinkled up a little as she spoke, and the dimples in her cheeks appeared every time she smiled. She had long hair, not unlike Katara’s, which was fanned out around her like a halo on the pillow underneath her head. It matched her sweet demeanor perfectly.

Yes, he decided, he certainly liked this girl, and hoped she would stay in Toph’s life for a long time to come.

“It can happen sometimes. If you’d like my help getting you to bed to nap, it’s not a problem.”

Stifling another yawn, Caihong mumbled, “No, it’s alright. I’m comfortable here.”

“Okay. I’ll be in my room, so whenever you wake up…just come get me.”

But she had already dozed off by then, so Zuko quietly made his way through the house. That conversation with Caihong—about their respective love interests (partners?)—had felt so normal. He was hardly self-conscious, and, in fact, felt better for sharing with her. He resolved to work harder on his draft of his speech, and while Sokka and Toph goofed around with Bosco, he’d have a serious discussion with the Earth King about a more tolerant future.

* * *

Spirits, Zuko really couldn’t stand the Earth King. Like him, Kuei was trying to make up for a lack of leadership during the war, but he was stubborn and obstinate about what he perceived were slights to the Earth Kingdom’s sovereignty and “history.” When Zuko had asked him to consider issuing a joint law of tolerance in the Earth Kingdom alongside Zuko’s, Kuei was deeply offended and viewed it as an imposition of “Fire Nation values” on the Earth Kingdom. Zuko bit his tongue so hard he drew blood to prevent himself from asking if bigotry was a “value” of the Earth Kingdom.

His irritation didn’t last long, though, because soon after Sokka was dragging him and Caihong to the Earthbending Rumble that Toph was taking part in. Unfortunately, when Zuko mentioned he’d need a disguise to avoid disrupting the match, Sokka took it as an opportunity to dress him up in some of his clothes. He felt ridiculous in the Water Tribe outfit, partly because it was a little too tight and partly because he felt it drew _more_ attention to him than a standard Earth Kingdom outfit would have.

Nevertheless, he donned his cloak and left with his friends. Out in the street, Sokka grabbed his hand, and Zuko blushed. They arrived at the arena with a few minutes to spare, which pleased Sokka.

“Remind me why you’re dragging us to sit in the nosebleeds?” Sokka asked. “One of our best friends is gonna win this whole thing, and we have to sit all the way in the back?”

Zuko sighed. “I already told you, if anyone realizes who I am and that we’re here with Toph, everyone’d say she only won because she’s friends with the Fire Lord.”

Sokka held his hands up. “Alright, fine, but you don’t know what you’re missing out on from the front row.”

“I’ll live,” Zuko said drily.

They took their seats, and Sokka pulled out the list of the evening’s competitors to see if he recognized any of them. Caihong had grabbed some snacks and held the bag out to Zuko, and he gladly shared them with her.

“Awww, The Boulder isn’t gonna be here,” Sokka whined. “I _love_ that guy!”

“Even though he’d lose to Toph?” Caihong asked wryly.

“Yes!” Sokka cried. Indignantly, he added, “He’s still a good fighter!”

The lights dimmed in the arena and the announcer took to the center of the stage. Raising a platform up from the ground, he yelled out, “Welcome to Earthbending Rumble 25!” to raucous cheers (many of them from Sokka). He explained the rules then called out the first two fighters.

“When do you think Toph’ll be up?” Caihong said. “How many of these losers are we gonna have to sit through?”

“Hopefully not many.” Feeling a little bold, Zuko slid his arm around Sokka’s waist, and Sokka leaned in to his touch.

The first few fighters were boring and lacking in showmanship, and the audience energy dipped. The announcer seemed to sense this, because he called Toph out for the next match.

“Ladies and gentlemen! After some time away, our old undefeated champion has returned! I give you…The Blind Bandit!” The crowd immediately erupted, and Zuko could hear excited whispers from the audience members near them.

Toph rose on the stage and spread her arms wide, basking in the attention. “You call those wusses fighters? I thought I was listening to a bunch of little kids playing Hide and Explode!”

More uproarious applause. Caihong leaned in towards Sokka and whispered, “Is she always like this when she fights?”

Sokka grinned. “This is her being tame. Just you wait.”

Sure enough, fighter after fighter was no match for Toph, who made a big show of yawning as she sent them flying off the stage. Each received their own demeaning nickname as soon as they stood opposite her.

“YEAH, BLIND BANDIT!” Sokka hollered every time she won. “GOOO BLIND BANDIT!”

Sokka turned to Zuko and bumped his shoulder. “C’mon, get into it! I _know_ you’re having fun!”

Was he? Well, watching Toph kick ass was definitely enjoyable, and sitting so close to Sokka was a delightful bonus. The anonymity he’d been craving for months was easily achieved in the rowdy crowd. Actually, this _was_ fun. More fun than anything he’d done in the palace, certainly.

The three of them soon became a force to be reckoned with, their cheers drowning out everyone else around them. Caihong began to jump up and down watching Toph flip someone three times her size and screamed, “I’m dating her!”

All too quickly, the final match came, and Toph was going to face the former champion. She was practically glowing from being back in her element, her grin wide and mischievous.

“She really missed this, didn’t she?” Zuko muttered to Sokka.

“I guess she did.” Sokka looked from Zuko to Caihong, their faces red from shouting and dripping in sweat from getting so invested in the match. “I think I did, too.”

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for!” the announcer shouted. “Our reigning champion, the man we all love to hate…Phoenix King Ozai!”

Though everyone around them erupted into noise, Zuko heard none of it. His vision dimmed, and he dropped back down to his seat like his blood had been replaced with lead. His mind raced. How could his father have escaped? Or if it wasn’t his father, why would someone pretend to be him?

He had to get out. He pulled himself away from Sokka and managed to stumble out of their row. Air. He needed air. He thought he heard someone calling after him, but it didn’t matter. The second he was outside, he ran towards an alleyway and began to dry heave.

“Zuko! Hey!”

And there was Sokka. Arms wrapped around him, a head pressed against his. “It’s okay, buddy. I’m here.”

“It wasn’t—it wasn’t him, was it?” Zuko rasped. He knew it was irrational. He knew his father would have been killed if he’d managed to escape from prison. But his heart wouldn’t slow down.

“No, just some douchebag. Toph really laid into him, but I didn’t hear a ton of what she said.” Sokka slowly turned Zuko so he could hug him properly. “C’mere. It’s okay.”

“Why would someone do that?!” Zuko felt tears sting his eyes. “How could they act like it’s acceptable for someone to even pretend to be him?!”

Sokka just rubbed his back and smoothed his hair. Zuko felt so angry this had ruined his otherwise great night, so angry that anyone could think it funny to pretend to be an abusive, genocidal maniac should be dead.

“Caihong was saying he used to be Fire Nation Man, but after the war ended, he changed his persona. Everyone hates him, but they keep him around because people love to buy tickets just to boo him.”

When Zuko started shaking, Sokka wrapped his arm around him and started to lead him away from the match. “Let’s go back, okay?”

Zuko didn’t protest. They walked back in silence, and Zuko still couldn’t settle his stomach. He felt angry and sad and reckless and wanted more than anything to go back to those precious moments where he felt like Zuko from nowhere, just hanging out with his friends.

“Wanna shoot fire at some stuff to feel better?” Sokka asked. “You can burn some of the ugly art that’s in the house.”

“No.” Zuko was firm. “I don’t firebend when I’m angry. I don’t let myself do that anymore.”

They hesitated in the doorway, Sokka seeming unsure of what to do next.

“Let’s spar.”

Sokka grinned. “You’re on.”

* * *

The courtyard, it turned out, was the perfect place to fight. It felt good to release his energy and anger without being destructive. And Sokka, as usual, was the perfect partner, always coming up with some bizarre way to flip Zuko’s swords out of his hands.

They’d sparred for what felt like forever but couldn’t have been more than 30 minutes. Panting and slick with sweat, the two men threw down their swords and laid side by side on the manicured lawn of the courtyard.

“Feeling better?” Sokka asked.

Zuko nodded. “Thank you, Sokka.”

“Any time. I missed fighting with you.”

His hand reached out for Zuko’s, and Zuko gladly let him take it. They stared up at the stars, just as they’d done the night before, but the sky was cloudier.

He definitely felt better, but the sudden memories of his father were still swirling around in his mind. Normally, he’d have a drink and try to sleep, but he sensed that, maybe, this time, he should try and talk about it.

“You don’t know how I got my scar.” Zuko let the statement hang to see Sokka’s reaction.

Sokka squeezed his hand. “I don’t, but I don’t need you to tell me. You don’t have to.”

He swallowed hard and said quietly, “You’ll be the first of my friends to know.”

“Thanks for trusting me, dude.”

Zuko drew in a shaky breath before he spoke. “It was my father.”

“Motherfucker,” Sokka mumbled under his breath. He moved towards Zuko and pulled him close so his head would be resting on his chest. Sokka’s fingers trailed loosely through Zuko’s hair.

“When I was thirteen,” Zuko began, “I sat in on a war meeting of my father’s. One of his generals proposed an insane plan to sacrifice a bunch of new recruits on the frontlines since he thought of them as expendable. I spoke out, and my father thought it was a personal affront to him. He told me I’d have to fight in an Agni Kai.”

As he spoke, he could feel Sokka’s body tensing with anger. His heartbeat was fast and loud in his chest. Zuko pressed on.

“I thought I’d be fighting the general, but since I’d been disrespectful in my father’s war room, he told me I had to fight him instead. I refused to fight my own father.” He closed his eyes because he still heard himself screaming with pain every time he remembered that moment, his face burned and bloody, his eye nearly soldered shut, the constant ringing in his ear. The way he begged and cried. His father’s laughter as he writhed on the ground. Azula’s delight and praise of their father for doing what had “needed” to be done.

“He told me I was a coward and that I needed to be taught a lesson. He…he gathered fire in his hand and pressed it on my face.”

Sokka held Zuko tighter, his breathing uneven and ragged. “Zuko—”

“My skin was raw and bloody and I was screaming. And he banished me. Told me I couldn’t return until I found the Avatar.” He sighed. “I’m blind in my left eye. And I can’t hear very well out of my ear, either.”

“I’m gonna kill him,” Sokka seethed. “How the fuck could he do that to you? You’re his _son_!”

“He didn’t care. He never did.”

Zuko didn’t cry saying the words. Telling the story. He felt sad, but mostly, he felt numb. Tired. Marked and scarred, undesirable.

“Zuko, listen to me.” Sokka sat up and took Zuko’s face in his hands. The fabric of his fingerless gloves was cool to the touch. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“I know.”

“No. I don’t believe you.” Sokka frowned. “Tell me you didn’t deserve it.”

“I didn’t.”

“No. Say, ‘I didn’t deserve it.’”

Sokka’s big blue eyes glistened with tears. His fingertips gently stroked the edges of Zuko’s scar. All at once, Zuko felt overwhelmed by his sincerity, his _certainty_. He squeezed his eyes shut.

_I didn’t deserve it_ , he thought, but he couldn’t manage to say the words. Old feelings of worthlessness resurfaced, especially when he considered his position in this situation: being cradled by another man, who he loved and cared for and never wanted to be apart from again. _Disgraceful_ , his father’s voice growled in his head. _Shameful_.

Once, when he was younger, his father had pulled him aside, saying he had something to show him. Zuko had been thrilled to finally be receiving attention instead of Azula, so he followed him eagerly towards a large window that overlooked one of the streets near the palace.

Outside, a group of men chained together were being struck with fire whips and told to move faster. He could see scarred burns curling around the skin of their legs. He felt sick to his stomach.

“Do you know who those men are?” his father had asked, delighting in the cruelty of the situation.

Struck mute, Zuko could only shake his head.

“Those men are traitors to our great nation. They choose to keep the company of other men instead of women. Do you understand?”

Zuko didn’t, but he nodded, desperate to get away. His father continued, “Those men have sex with other men, Zuko. And they are disgusting. _Do you understand_?”

Yes. Zuko understood then exactly what he was, what his future held in store. He made a strangled noise of disgust, hoping it was what his father was looking for. Evidently it was, because Ozai left him alone moments later.

“Zuko.” Sokka interrupted his thoughts, a note of pleading in his voice. “Do you understand?”

There was so much love in those words, so much hope and confidence that Zuko could see what Sokka wanted him to see. So different from Ozai demanding Zuko’s understanding and compliance. And when he looked back at Sokka’s eyes, he felt a chill pass through his body. There was nothing shameful about this, this moment, all the moments he’d shared with Sokka. Nothing. Those moments had been so full of the love he had been missing his entire childhood.

“I didn’t deserve it,” he whispered. He closed his eyes and raised his voice. “I didn’t deserve it.”

Sokka pulled him into a crushing hug, then kissed the edges of his scar until he reached his mouth. For the second time in a matter of hours, Zuko found himself saying, “Don’t let go.”

And Sokka, good and kind Sokka who he adored, replied, “I’m right here, Zuko. I’m right here.”

* * *

_The fires that lit the arena were hot and crackling, but Zuko was freezing. He could barely feel his fingers as he paced around. What was taking the general so long? Was he afraid of fighting a thirteen-year-old boy?_

_The murmuring crowds fell silent, and Zuko assumed his opponent had finally shown his face. But if he was cold before, he might as well have been an ice block when he saw his father._

_And he heard nothing, his vision narrowing down to a slit, and suddenly his father was in front of him, fire in his hands, and—_

With a gasp, Zuko woke up, his heart racing. It was just a dream. Or a nightmare. The same damn one he had all the time—but he was happy now, wasn’t he? So why was it coming back? Because of earlier? But he’d shared with Sokka what had happened, and it felt like a weight was lifted. Still…

“Hey,” Sokka mumbled next to him, “is it morning yet?”

“No,” Zuko whispered, “go back to sleep.”

Sokka hummed and pressed a kiss to Zuko’s hand before rolling back over into his pillow. Zuko felt envious of how quickly and easily sleep seemed to come to his friend. Though his heart rate was slowing down, he couldn’t see himself going back to sleep, so he carefully got up and left the room.

There was a balcony joined to the sitting area, and he thought some fresh air might help clear his mind. He slid the door open and was surprised to find Toph sitting outside. She’d stuck her legs between the railing and was dangling her feet over the edge.

“Who’s there?” she asked. Her fingers splayed across the wooden floor, and she sighed in frustration.

Zuko sat next to her. “It’s just me.” He watched her relax. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“I guess not, since I’m out here.”

Their usual, comfortable silence fell between them, and Zuko closed his eyes and felt the breeze. His heart was slowing to normal, and he wondered, briefly, why Toph was willingly sitting so she couldn’t see.

“Sokka and I almost died, you know,” she said suddenly. “When we were crashing the airships. He saved my life.”

“Sounds like him.”

“He could’ve dropped me and let me go and saved himself. I couldn’t see anything. I was clinging to his hand.”

Zuko hadn’t heard this story—or, at least, this version of it. Sokka had regaled the story of how he’d broken his leg with glee, embellishing how he, Suki, and Toph were courageous heroes. He’d never mentioned that he and Toph had almost died, just that his space sword had been lost in the fray.

“Every time debris came flying at us, he jumped to cover me since he knew I couldn’t see it.” Toph’s voice was soft, almost fond. “I guess sitting here, not being able to see you…it reminded me of that.”

Even though Sokka never, ever would have let Toph fall, Zuko understood Toph’s reverence. Her whole world had been narrowed down to Sokka’s hand, and she had no idea of how much danger they actually were in. Remembering his earlier conversation in the courtyard, he understood; as he shared the story of his scar, for a moment, his whole world had felt like Sokka, too.

“You were right, you know,” he told Toph.

“Of course I was.” She scratched the back of her neck. “But, uh, about what?”

“All of it. My feelings for Sokka, making new options for myself…” he trailed off as he thought of how much had changed in just the past few days. “You know, I talked to the Earth King about passing a new law alongside me. Letting people like us get married.”

Toph’s back straightened. “You didn’t.”

“I did. I wrote a draft of the speech yesterday, too.”

She reached out her hand, and it swung wildly in the air as she tried to figure out how close they actually were. Zuko grabbed it and took it in his.

“I was trying to punch you, dork.” But she didn’t pull her hand away. “What changed?”

“Me, I guess. Because of what you said to me, and made me think about.” Zuko’s face grew hot. “And, uh, Sokka.”

Toph let out a raucous laugh, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead. “You _didn’t_.”

“We did.” Zuko couldn’t help but laugh, too. Just weeks ago, this had all seemed impossible. Sharing his feelings with Sokka, sharing his _bed_ with Sokka, telling his uncle the truth about who he was…all because Toph had pushed and prodded him into being honest.

“But I thought—Suki?” Toph laughed again and put her hand over her chest. “Zuko, don’t tell me you’re _the other woman_!”

“Ugh, Toph.” He rubbed his eyes, surprised at his sudden emotions over the situation. “They’re in an open relationship. It’s fine.”

“Good for you, Zuko.” Toph squeezed his hand. “I’m happy for you. Really.”

Then she punched him for good measure.

“I should’ve been expecting that,” Zuko sighed, rubbing his arm. “But if it weren’t for you, I—”

“I know. You don’t need to say it.”

“But I want to. Thank you, Toph.” The tears he’d felt minutes before returned. “I…care a lot about you, you know.”

Toph groaned and punched him again. “I’m serious, Fire Jerk, don’t get all sentimental.”

But how could he not? He was never good at feelings, or emotions, really, but he felt almost indebted to Toph. He wasn’t sure how to show it, though, so he took a page out of her book and punched her on the arm.

“Hey!” Toph punched him back, a little harder. “That’s my thing.”

But Zuko wasn’t done. “For what it’s worth, I like Caihong. Not that you’d really listen to my opinion, but…”

“Yeah, I like her too.” Toph blushed and smiled. “I mean, if you didn’t, I don’t know if I’d listen, but I guess I…” She sighed dramatically. “I guess I _value_ your opinion.”

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

Zuko suddenly remembered the promise he’d made to Toph when he was talking about the times he and Sokka hooked up. He was glad she couldn’t see his grin.

“Hey, you need to tell me about how you and Caihong got together,” he said innocently, knowing Toph would take the bait. He was glad she couldn’t see his mischievous grin, not so different from the one she always flashed him.

And she did, pulling her legs back towards her chest as she began the story. “Well, when I asked her out, I said we should go to this festival that was happening in Yu Dao. It was lame and kind of dorky, but at the end there were fireworks. I could hear them exploding, and I know fireworks are supposed to have a nice color, so I reached for her face and we kissed. So—”

“Ha! Ha, ha ha!” Zuko barked out. The sound of his own forced laughter made him laugh for real, harder and louder than he expected.

“What’s your problem, asshole?” Toph snapped. “First you’re telling me how much you care about me, then you’re laughing at me when I’m telling you about my feelings?”

“I don’t know why you’re surprised. I promised you I’d laugh when you told me.”

Toph slugged him again. “Fuck you.” She turned from him to hide her smile. “From what I remember, you said you’d laugh harder and longer than I’d ever heard, and that was a weak attempt.”

“Oh? Should I try again?” Zuko forced out more laughter, which quickly turned into real laughter, and soon Toph had joined in. He was certain they would wake everyone else with how loud they were, but for the time being, it was just the two of them, their laughter filling the air around them.

* * *

“Hey stranger,” Sokka said as he strolled into Zuko’s room. He’d just left the showers, and his towel hung around his neck. Zuko’s stomach fell to his feet as his eyes trailed down to Sokka’s abs, even though he’d already seen them so many times before. He leaned in to kiss Sokka, who was crawling across the bed towards him.

“I swear, you do this to drive me crazy,” Zuko mumbled against Sokka’s lips.

“You said you were bored all the time at the palace, right?” Sokka leaned back on his calves and began to flex his muscles. “So, I bought you tickets to the gun show!”

Zuko flopped back down on the pillows and groaned. “You’re so embarrassing. I’m so embarrassed for you.” But even though he was covering his face, he was still peeking between his fingers for glimpses of Sokka’s self-indulgent showing off.

“Don’t think I can’t see you looking, dork.” Sokka’s grin was bright and wide.

Zuko still couldn’t believe how much his luck had changed over the past few days. He never wanted to leave Ba Sing Se. Or this bed. Really, just Sokka’s side. He was so disgustingly, overwhelmingly in love with the Water Tribesman—his normal inclination would be to hide away until his feelings passed, but he didn’t care anymore who saw or knew about his feelings.

He slung his arms around Sokka’s neck and pulled him into another kiss. Sokka sighed into his mouth and wrapped his arms around Zuko. Sokka was straddling him (and _fuck_ that was hot), and Zuko’s mind momentarily went blank. His hands roamed up into Sokka’s still damp hair and tugged on the strands.

Sokka gently lowered him down onto the pillows, kissing Zuko’s neck, which apparently was his favorite spot, judging by the number of hickeys he’d given him there. Zuko let his eyes flutter closed, his back arching up at Sokka’s touch.

“Sokka,” Zuko breathed, hungrily grabbing the other man’s face so their lips could connect again.

“Mmm?” Sokka hummed. “What?”

“Come back to the palace with me. Please.”

Sokka stopped kissing him, and Zuko regretted blurting out his thoughts at that moment. He wanted and needed Sokka’s lips back on his skin. Zuko pushed himself up—a difficult task, considering Sokka’s added weight—and pressed his forehead against the other man’s.

“You’re serious?” Sokka’s blue eyes bore into Zuko’s. Because they were so close, Zuko couldn’t read his expression, but from the right side of Sokka’s face, it seemed like he was surprised.

Zuko shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He kissed Sokka’s cheek. “I know your whole life is at the South Pole, and your family, and your tribe, but I-I think I could use your help with the former colonies, because you did such a good job rebuilding the South Pole, you know, and—”

“And some other excuse you’re trying to come up with?” Sokka smirked. He raised his hand to Zuko’s cheek and stroked his skin.

“You’re a brilliant planner, and you always have new ideas…you helped invent the war balloons we use, for fuck’s sake! Why wouldn’t I want your help?”

“Yes, I am all those things, but that’s not why you want me there.” Sokka arched an eyebrow. “I think you’ll miss me.”

“So? Am I not allowed to?”

“You have a crush on me. You _like_ me!”

Zuko groaned. “Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just say yes or no like a normal person?”

“Because it’s fun to torture you.” Sokka leaned in to kiss him, but at the last minute, he pulled away, leaving Zuko frustrated. “See? So fun!”

“Forget it, I hate you now,” Zuko grumbled and buried his head under a pillow. Why did Sokka have to make everything so complicated? Was he stalling because he didn’t want to let Zuko down?

With a _thunk_ , Sokka laid back down next to Zuko. “You know, after the war was over, I thought all I ever wanted was to go back home and rebuild. To make the South Pole more than just a few igloos. But now…”

Sokka sighed and took Zuko’s hand in his. Zuko moved the pillow off of his face so he could turn to face his friend. Even when he was just staring up at the ceiling, Sokka was still so handsome. Beautiful, even. His long eyelashes seemed to tickle his cheeks every time he blinked. Like he always did when he was nervous, he was biting his lips.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love being with my dad after so much time apart. I love helping my people, because eventually it’ll be my job one day. But I miss traveling the world and meeting new people. I just…feel like I could be doing more.”

Zuko’s voice came out a little raspy, like he was afraid that if he was too loud, the spell of the moment would be broken. “I know what you mean. Being stuck in the Fire Nation after I spent three years traveling the world…it feels so limiting sometimes.” He swallowed hard. “There are still so many people who need help rebuilding. All the former colonies. But I feel like they don’t trust me. The Hundred Year War was very different for me. But someone like you…you’re good with people. You know what they’ve been through.”

In truth, Zuko felt like he would never earn the trust of the citizens of the former Fire Nation colonies. He was terrible at socializing. But Sokka—Sokka made friends everywhere he went. He was likable, friendly, intelligent…he was the perfect person to help rebuild the world.

“And if you had asked me a few weeks ago, I would have said yes. But now…”

Zuko pulled his hand away, knowing what was about to happen. So this thing with Sokka was never meant to go far, then. He rolled over onto his right side. Maybe it would be easier if he couldn’t see a thing. At least then he wouldn’t have to watch Sokka pretend this was hard for him.

“Hey, Zuko, no.” Sokka put a hand on Zuko’s shoulder, but he shrugged it off. He didn’t want his pity. What was his deal anyway? Sokka was so confusing; one second, he was promising Zuko he’d never leave his side, then the next—

“Zuko. Let me finish. I would have said yes then.” Sokka sat up and tried to roll Zuko back over. “And I’m saying yes now. Shit, I probably should have started with that.”

Ugh. Sokka. Zuko sighed. “Why’d you scare me like that, asshole?”

“I didn’t mean to! Will you stop being a baby and look at me for a second?”

Zuko obliged, but didn’t bother to wipe the scowl off his face. The second Sokka took his face in his hands, though, his resolve broke, and he smiled.

“I’m saying yes now, but for a different reason. Because this thing between us…it’s too good to stop.” Sokka had that goofy, dazzling grin again, and Zuko couldn’t help but grin back. “Why would I wanna be anywhere else?”

Zuko blushed, for some reason feeling so embarrassed to be receiving this kind of attention from Sokka. It made him feel like a young kid again, so overwhelmed at being noticed by a handsome guy. It was intoxicating.

“Well, since you said yes, I’ll tell you now that I’d miss you.”

Sokka laughed as he leaned in for another kiss. “You’re a real jerk, you know that?”

“And yet you can’t get enough of me.”

Sokka’s hands slid up Zuko’s chest underneath his shirt, and Zuko shivered at his touch. “I guess you’re right,” Sokka said huskily, and Zuko went weak.

And again Zuko found himself wrapped up in Sokka’s arms, never wanting to leave. “Don’t let go,” he whispered against Sokka’s skin.

“Never,” Sokka replied, so quick and easy. “As long as we’re together, I won’t.”

* * *

It was their last day in Ba Sing Se, and Zuko’s heart felt heavy as he packed up his things. Even though Sokka was right beside him, he could preemptively feel his absence, knowing that in a matter of hours they’d be apart again.

“Hey,” Sokka said gently, putting his hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “It’s only a week. Don’t look so sad.”

“Yeah, but it’ll be a lonely week.” He cast a glance towards the bed they’d been sharing. “Don’t remind me.”

Toph’s voice echoed into their room. “Hey losers, get a move on!”

Without saying a word, Sokka grabbed Zuko’s bag and slung it over his back. Zuko wanted to protest, but the gesture was so sweet, so _Sokka_ , that he let it slide.

“It doesn’t match your belt,” he said instead. “My bag, I mean.”

Sokka laughed. “Somehow, I think I’ll manage.”

They reunited with Toph and Caihong in the living room, then the four set out together for the Jasmine Dragon. Toph was sporting the belt she’d won in the rumble the night before, and it looked laughably huge on her tiny body. She was carrying Caihong’s bag along with her own, pretending to lift them like giant weights.

Sokka reached out his hand, and Zuko gladly took it, but he blushed bright red now that they were out in the daylight together, exposed to the public. And he’d have to explain to his uncle that actually, that thing he was crying about only days before had resolved itself in the best way possible.

But he didn’t mind any of that. He did mind saying goodbye to everyone. Because saying goodbye meant going back to the palace all alone, with no one to share his thoughts with, wasting endless hours in meetings he didn’t want to attend. Who knew when he’d see any of them again?

Well, any of them besides Sokka.

He couldn’t linger on the thought much longer as he caught sight of his uncle, waving to them all from the front of the tea shop, which was closed for lunch. Iroh ushered them all in, but not before sending a warm smile towards Sokka and Zuko.

“I have some tea prepared for you all,” Iroh told them as they sat at the nearest table. “It seems you have had many adventures in our time apart.”

“Yeah, like reclaiming my place as champion.” Toph grinned, punching a fist into her other hand. “I kicked ass.”

“So I’ve heard.” Iroh poured their tea and sat down. “It is all my customers have talked about.”

“Next time she competes, we’ll have to invite you,” Caihong said excitedly. “You should see her. She’s incredible.”

Toph kissed Caihong on the cheek, and Zuko realized he was still holding Sokka’s hand. He didn’t really want to drop it, so he kept quiet until someone else brought it up. He sipped on his tea, and Sokka did the same.

“I see things have also changed for you, my nephew.” Iroh smiled, and Zuko blushed with embarrassment. Spirits, did his uncle always have to do that in front of his friends?

“Yes,” he finally spluttered out, “Sokka is coming back to the palace with me.”

Toph’s eyebrows shot up. “Wait, you’re leaving the South Pole?”

Sokka finally pulled his hand from Zuko’s to gesture for everyone to quiet down. “Wait, hold on. Let me explain.”

“Zuko’s in _loooove_!” Toph crooned, earning her a nudge from Caihong.

“I am leaving the South Pole. I thought about doing it before, because I miss helping people. I mean, I love helping _my_ people, but when we all traveled the world…I just feel like I could be doing more.”

Zuko added, “And I need help with rebuilding the former Fire Nation colonies. Some need new leadership, others need a total break from the Fire Nation…they don’t trust me, and I don’t blame them. But someone like Sokka—who helped rebuild the South Pole—they’d listen to him. He knows what he’s doing.”

Sokka smiled at him, and Zuko’s stomach fluttered. “Honestly, I’m just grateful you think I’m capable enough to do this.”

“Of course.” Zuko blinked a few times, surprised that Sokka would doubt just how much Zuko trusted him. They shared a lingering gaze before Iroh cleared his throat.

“I am glad you will have some company, my nephew.” Iroh reached across the table and patted his hand. “And that it is someone you care for as well.”

Zuko blushed and buried his face in his hands. “Uncle, you’re embarrassing me.”

“Then allow me to embarrass you even more!” Sokka cried, planting a kiss on Zuko’s cheek.

Toph laughed and Caihong giggled, and Zuko dropped his head to the table helplessly. “You’re all awful,” he mumbled.

All too soon, Jiang stuck his head in the door. “Sorry to rush you, Zuko, but we must be leaving soon if we’re to make it back to the palace tonight.”

Everyone seemed to sigh at the intrusion, and they all started to gather their things. Iroh hugged Toph and Caihong, and Zuko swore he saw Toph wiping away some tears. His uncle shook Sokka’s hand, then pulled him into an embrace and whispered something in his ear. Whatever it was, it made the tips of Sokka’s ears turn bright red.

“I promise,” Sokka said, then bowed. He walked towards Toph and Caihong, seemingly corralling them out the door. “C’mon, guys. Let’s go.”

And then the door shut behind him, and Zuko was alone with his uncle once again.

“Uncle, I—” he began, until Iroh cut him off with a fierce hug.

“My nephew,” Iroh said through tears. “If only you knew how proud I am of you.”

“I do know.” Zuko choked back a few tears himself.

“Are you happier now that you have made peace with yourself?”

“Yes,” Zuko said, and he knew he was telling the truth. “I only wish you could be around to share in it with me.”

Iroh pulled out of the hug and held Zuko’s shoulders. His kind, wrinkled face was so familiar, his beaming expression so gentle yet uncontainable. “Wherever you are, Zuko, I am with you, always. So long as you are happy, I am happy.”

Zuko bent down so he could hug his uncle again. “I love you,” he said quietly, into the fabric of his uncle’s robes.

“And I love you.” Iroh backed away and wiped the corners of his eyes. “Now you must go. Don’t keep your friends waiting.”

Zuko nodded, then bowed. “I promise I’ll write more often.”

“I look forward to your letters.” His uncle winked. “And I expect to hear how things are with your new boyfriend, too.”

Zuko laughed, then, and turned to leave, knowing if he looked back, he’d dissolve into tears. He stepped out into the bright afternoon sun, and for a moment he just watched as Sokka handed Zuko’s bag off to Jiang, Toph nuzzling her head onto Caihong’s shoulder, relishing the last few moments he’d have with his friends.

He decided to start off with Caihong, since he’d known her the shortest. She turned just as he started walking towards her, so much like Toph that he wondered if she’d said something to alert her girlfriend.

He nodded and bowed at her. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise, Zuko.” Caihong gave him a wry smile. “You can hug me, you know. I always hug my friends.”

Zuko laughed and obliged, and while they hugged, she whispered in his ear, “I know you love him like I love her.”

Again, Zuko’s eyes stung with tears. Love. He did love his friends, so very much. And he loved Sokka even more. And if Caihong truly understood how he felt, he could only hope she and Toph would stay together for a long time to come.

“No hugs for me, thanks.” Toph held up a hand and waved it dismissively at him.

“Too bad.” Even though she had grown taller, it was still so easy to pick her up as he hugged her, so he did. Toph squealed when she was up in the air.

“Put me down, asshole!” Toph pounded a fist on his shoulder as he let her go. “Not funny.”

“It was _kinda_ funny,” Sokka chimed in, and Toph glared in his direction.

“I’m going to miss you,” Zuko said quietly, hoping only Toph would hear, since he knew she’d be embarrassed at him saying so.

“Me too,” Toph replied, matching his volume. “Even if you are a giant asshole.”

Then she wrapped her arms around him with a tight squeeze. “I’m happy for you, Zuko.”

“And I’m happy for you, too.” He ruffled her hair and she laughed. “Quick, let go of me before everyone gets the idea you actually enjoy my company.”

“See ya, Fire Jerk.” She punched his arm for good measure.

Then there was only one left, the worst goodbye to make. How could Zuko even begin to express what he was feeling at that moment, knowing he would see Sokka again in a week? How could he put into words his love and gratitude for Sokka, to explain what the past few days had meant to him?

He and Sokka stood still for a moment and looked at each other. Zuko wanted to remember this moment, when he stood on the precipice of his life changing forever, quicker than he’d expected. It had changed forever when he met Sokka, when they went to Boiling Rock, when they had shared stolen kisses, when Toph had pulled the truth out of him, when he’d confessed to his uncle how he felt…and when he confessed to Sokka how he felt. And here he was, knowing it was all about to change again, but for the better.

“Hey stranger.” Sokka’s voice sounded thick with emotion. “It’ll only be a week.”

“I know,” Zuko replied, struggling to keep his emotions in check. “Only a week.”

Sokka stepped forward, and things seemed to move in slow motion. His hand, raising up to Zuko’s cheek. His arm, wrapping around Zuko’s waist. And finally, leaning in for a kiss, his forehead against Zuko’s, their noses touching.

“Don’t let go,” Zuko said, out of habit.

“I won’t,” Sokka replied, “even if it means your guards will kick my ass.”

They pulled apart slowly, and Zuko still held on to Sokka’s hands. It stung to let go, like splashing water on an open wound.

“You’ll see me soon. Promise.” Sokka smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“If I didn’t know any better,” Zuko quipped, “I’d say you’re going to miss me.”

“Me? Miss you?” Sokka chuckled. “Nah, not this guy.”

“You _like_ me,” Zuko said, imitating Sokka’s voice.

Finally, Sokka laughed. “You’re such a jerk, you know that?”

And with one final hug, their goodbye seemed complete, and Zuko followed Jiang onto the tram that would take them out of Ba Sing Se. He waved at his friends through the window, choosing to ignore how Toph seemed to be patting Sokka’s back to comfort him.

“It’s only a week,” he said to himself. “It’s only a week.”

* * *

Zuko knew he should have been nervous as he neared the end of his speech, but he, oddly, felt calm. The crowd in the palace courtyard was large, and had largely been silent as he announced the new tolerance laws he was passing. He could see some of the usual Fire Nation reporters towards the front, some with their mouths agape, others scribbling furiously. On any other day, he would’ve felt annoyed and thrown by their presence. But his frustrating conversation with the Earth King had only made him more certain that it was absolutely necessary to pass these laws, regardless of what any of the public would have to say about it.

“To the countless citizens of the Fire Nation who’ve had to suffer in silence and fear for the past 100 years, I can only say I’m sorry, and I hope that this law will help create a future you’ve only ever been able to dream about.” He was surprised to feel tears in his eyes. Just weeks before, it was a future he himself had only been able to dream about. “To be a true force for good in a world still deeply affected by our past actions, we must lead with tolerance and compassion.”

He knew Iroh wasn’t there with him, but he could hear his proud voice so clearly in his head, telling him he was making the right choice. So different from his father and grandfather and great-grandfather before him. The kind of leader Iroh always knew he would be.

“I’m not taking questions from the press at this time. I wish you all a peaceful weekend.”

Zuko didn’t care to hear whether the crowd applauded or booed him. He strode back into the palace with purpose, his eyes meeting those of his guards and advisors.

Jiang nodded at him as he passed. “Thank you, Zuko.”

“No, thank you, Jiang. I’d like to be alone for the rest of the evening, so please turn away any guests.”

A figure emerged from the shadows, an air of cockiness in his walk.

“Hey stranger.” Sokka smiled. “That was some speech.”

Zuko didn’t care that he was surrounded by people, that some of them were upset with him for the speech he’d just made. He closed the distance between himself and Sokka in seconds, embracing him tightly. “I thought you were coming three days from now.”

Sokka slipped his arms around Zuko’s waist, and Zuko’s heart fluttered. “Surprised?”

“Of course.” Zuko felt the same giggly burst of energy he did in Ba Sing Se as he and Sokka ran through the streets at night. “Come on. Let me show you to your room.”

They linked their hands then and ran through the palace halls. The scrolls on the wall fluttered as they went past. The large, open hallways that had once felt so empty and overwhelming felt full of life now, welcoming him into a new world.

“Seems like you missed me,” Sokka laughed out.

“Me? Miss you?” Zuko scoffed. “No way.”

Once they’d reached Zuko’s room, Zuko slammed the door shut and kissed Sokka.

“Isn’t this your room, dude?” Sokka asked through their kisses.

“Well, if you’d prefer to sleep apart…” Zuko shrugged, the banter coming so easily to him now, as if he and Sokka had always been this way.

“The Fire Jerk’s got some jokes now.” When Sokka grinned that stupid grin, Zuko was ready to forget about the rest of the world and spend the rest of his days in bed with him.

“How’d you get here so early? I thought you had stuff to take care of.”

Sokka led him towards the bed, his hands pulling the Fire Lord hair pins from Zuko’s hair.

“Well, I did. I packed my things up, and I stopped on Kyoshi Island before I came here.”

Zuko felt his hands run cold. Why else would Sokka be there, if not for Suki? He supposed he’d have to get used to sharing Sokka, though the idea was becoming less appealing now that Sokka would be staying with him for the foreseeable future.

“Suki and I broke up.” Sokka sighed a little, and Zuko’s heart constricted in his chest. Had he really been the reason for the break up between his two friends?

“Not, uh, because of me? Or because of something I said? Because I—”

Sokka held up a hand. “Because I realized that the open relationship thing worked for Suki, but not for me. And even if you and I hadn’t gotten together, she and I saw each other so rarely, and the long distance was hard.”

“I’m sorry.” And Zuko meant it. It must have been a hard choice to make, regardless of whatever was going on between them.

“Don’t be. It was mutual. She’ll always be special to me. I’ll always love her a little bit, I think.” Sokka’s eyes brightened once he returned his gaze to Zuko’s face. “But right now, I wanna talk about you. That speech was fucking great, dude.”

“It was what I was writing that night in Ba Sing Se. But I was thinking about you the whole time.”

“You know what I was thinking about that night?” Sokka asked. His hands trailed down to the hem of his shirt, and he pulled it over his head.

Zuko wished the Fire Lord robes didn’t take forever to peel off, so he kept his eyes on Sokka as he tried to remove them. Sokka, in turn, was making quick work of the belt cinching his robes shut.

Spirits, Zuko loved this. Sokka’s hands in his hair, trailing over his clothes, across his face, his lips finally against Zuko’s. He knew it sounded pathetic to say that he’d missed him even though they’d only been apart for barely a week, but it was still true. He missed this.

For a moment, Sokka paused and stared at Zuko. The scrutiny would normally have made him squirm, but there was something in Sokka’s gaze that seemed to be appraising him.

“What are you looking at?”

“What?” Sokka said, distracted. “Nothing. Just admiring the view.”

Zuko smiled. “You’re such a dork.” He flopped back down on the bed.

“What’s wrong?” Sokka frowned.

“It’s nothing. I just…I seem to recall a promise you made,” Zuko drawled, “that as long as we were together…”

Sokka tipped his head back and laughed, loud and clear. He wrapped Zuko up in his arms, cradling him gently. “I’m right here. And I’m not letting go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote! I hope you've all enjoyed this story; it was a joy to write. I've got a new Zukka story in the works so hopefully you'll see it from me soon!
> 
> As always, PLEASE don't hesitate to leave a comment, I love talking about this show!!! Or, if you'd prefer, message me on [my Tumblr](http://thelesbiansfromnextdoor.tumblr.com) about Zukka or Avatar any time. Help ya local autistic girl out by talking with her about her latest special interest. :)


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